Blog | Star Card Dreaming | Where the Tarot Meets your Dreams

Finding Comfort and Peace: Processing the Death of a Loved One

Posted on June 3, 2015 by Athena

“I would rather have died instantly than to have my family watch me go through this!” proclaimed Bud, a father in his 60’s ravaged by cancer.

“Coming from my experience, you are giving your family a gift by allowing them to process your death with you rather than disappearing one day, leaving words and issues unspoken and unresolved. Now they will be able to slowly let go and accept your death. It took me 10 years to process my father’s death when he died out of the blue. I would not wish that on anyone!” I proclaimed, fighting back the tears.

“Oh, I guess I never thought of it that way,” sighed Bud.

That one brief conversation was one of the most impactful things I said to him on our last visit together.

I knew as I drove up to see him, that it would be the last time that we would do so when he was alive. The cancer had spread so fast after his surgery that it was only a matter of time before it would take over all of his facilities, shutting down his body.

Knowing this, I asked him if I could do a Tarotpy Reading for him – something that he probably never would have been open to before he was facing his own mortality. His question to the cards was not about his own dying process, but rather whether or not his family would be okay after he died. In his layout he created a spot for each of his immediate family members: his wife and three daughters, along with a card for finances (not depicted below).

The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore. *This layout does not depict all of the cards that where selected.

Overall, Bud was able to see through the cards that his family would be okay, although it was clear that his wife would have much heartache to process after his departing.

The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore

I felt a relief come over him as we worked through the images, that it gave him a glimpse into the future – past the fear, past the worry, past the grief. That he could allow in some peace, that his family would recover.

Wanting his loved ones to also find some comfort, each one received a Journey Reading (smaller 2 card reading) to look into their own lives. His wife Chris, pulled one of the same cards as he did, creating a synchronistic moment that allowed her to feel connected to him and something bigger. The two daughters that were in town, their cards focused on their immediate situations in their lives.

In the end I left feeling so grateful to be there for them in their time of need, and that because of my life experience with death I could be of service in a way that was unexpected.

———~~~~~~———-

When I was young, the family on my mother’s side faced a huge divide shrinking my large family into just three of us. After that I learned to create the family that I wanted with impactful people that entered my life.

I met Deanna at the end of 5^th grade. She was my neighbor and a year below me in school. She was shy and quiet, something that you would never in a million years guess if you met her today. We bonded quickly and decided that we were going to tell everyone that we were cousins. We spent every possible minute together from there on out with most of those years at her home, which is how I built a relationship with her father, Bud.

It had been many years since I had been to Sacramento, as life in Los Angeles consumed me as I aged. But that never changed my relationship with Deanna, Bud or the rest of the family. Bud had always treated me and even called me his daughter, along with telling me that he loved me.

When I found out he had passed, I was filled with grief and tears. Not only was he a father figure in my life, he passed away the weekend before Memorial Day – almost 20 years from when my father died (in 1995 after Memorial Day). I thought how synchronistic it was that out of all the months in the year, Bud died within weeks of the anniversary of my father’s death. As it was, Bud had already out lived the time that he was given by the doctor’s. He was a fighter all the way to the end.

Then I thought about our previous conversation of my experience with losing my father out of the blue verses losing my grandmother over time, and how it had impacted his thought process about his own death so much. To me, these were two synchronistic experiences around my father and him.

When I returned to be with them for the funeral, I had everyone pick a card as a divine message while I did a private reading with the last daughter. Bud’s wife, Chris, had become worried about finances in the wake of losing Bud, which had already been a concern for Bud before he died. In the mix of craziness of his departing, the herds of family/friends visiting, and putting together a celebration of his life, Chris still had a lingering concern over how the finances would all play out in the future. The message she received was thus: “Bright Future: Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine.”

Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

It continued by saying, “There are no tests, blocks or obstacles in your way, except your own projections of fear into your future” (Guidebook for the Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D., p. 73). A brightness and relief came back into her face, as she found solace in receiving this card.

With these beautiful images, words and moments, a family was able to find some comfort. If you or someone you know would like to find comfort in the process of losing a loved one or have a loved one who has passed on (whether human or animal), please contact me for an appointment so I too can help them find some peace.

Thank you to the family of Bud Gagner for allowing me to share this story. May this be an added memory to his life. xo

____________________

Athena Kolinski, M.A.

Intuitive Reader ~ Tarotpy Practitioner ~ Dreamworker

Contact Athena at: Starcarddreaming@gmail.com

Posted in Dreaming & Tarot, Tarotpy | Tagged Finding Peace, healing, Losing a father, losing a loved one, Processing death, Spirituality, synchronicity, Synchronistic Events, tarot, tarotpy, widow | Comments Off

Synchronicity’s Chocolate

Posted on June 17, 2014 by Athena

Every year I attend the International Association for the Study of Dreams conference, which holds a Dream Ball on the last night. This year it was held in Berkeley and I waited until the day before I left to solidify my costume for the Dream Ball. Although I had an idea as to what fragmented dreams it would include, I still felt that I needed a specific dream to share when called up to the stage for the costume judging. So I chose a dream that solely focused on a symbol that was shaped like an ice cream cone, that I drew in my journal. Above the dream I wrote “The Hanged Man” from the Tarot since the main aspect of the dream seemed to be related to that card. When I chose the dream I really thought it was from last year, between the annual conferences. Now I see that this dream was actually from two years ago, the day after my wedding anniversary. Below is the dream:

“Inversion” July, 17, 2012

I was in this restaurant and we (my best friend, others and I) were acting for this “reality show”. I was looking at this silver item/symbol that had a lipped edge, and was talking about how I always wished that I had the foundation symbolized in this image/item. I spoke about how it stood for a solid foundation of consistency and stability as a child. Then I went into this long analysis of it (none of which I remembered upon waking). At the end they (those in the room) said that I needed to relook at the symbol, because it was inverted for me. I had all those qualities/things in my life now – I had brought them as one unit/roof under me. The symbol represents all of the family/friends/experiences/etc – the pieces of me that I bring together as one in the memories I have with them. Together they are my roof, my solidified upside-down foundation.

Image from a dream called “Inversion” from July 17, 2012

The first day up in Berkeley, I reconnected with a friend of mine that I have not seen in four years. He and I became fast friends over rocks, crystals and deep spiritual conversations. In the course of the last year, he had been creating geometric sacred altars with beautiful stones in response to his higher calling. After seeing pictures of all the altars he made, I drew the symbol from my dream, although incorrectly, down on a scrap of paper to ask him the name/meaning of the shape . In order to ensure that he could see the angles on the shape, I circled them all. He instantly picked up the pen and wrote down “Kabbalah” and “Tree of Life”. Then mentioned that, “the tree has roots in heaven”. Immediately I told him the dream and explained that all of this time I had never realized what the symbol was shaped like.

Over the course of a few days, I began to put the pieces of my costume together. It was a mixture of fragment dreams on cut outs of puzzle pieces and copied images of Tarot and Dream deck cards that I had pulled for myself over the course of the year. I also included an oversized image of the Wheel of Fortune (Oswald Wirth version) in the center of my body, as it was the Tarot card that I felt most related to the dream costume. I had felt as though I was the creature depicted in the card, as various pieces and parts of creatures that together did not flow as one (lion’s behind, spinx head, giant goddess boobs, angels wings and holding a sword). So I too wore a tail, wings, a crown, exposed cleavage and held a sword, along with the puzzle pieces and Tarot cards to visually show how I felt inside at this time in my life. Unsure as to whether or not I was going to share the “Inversion” dream, since it felt disconnected with the costume, I decided that if I were to share it then I would put the symbol on the back of the oversized Wheel of Fortune.

By Oswald Wirth

The next day I was drawn to a workshop that include the word Alchemy in the title, and attended it solely based on that one word. During my second master’s, I took an Alchemy course that focused on the Rosarium Philosophorum reliefs which honed my attention on the Major Arcana of the Tarot in a whole new way. That course, along with my introduction to Tarotpy, was a huge inspiration for my current work. With that said, in the second half of the workshop a large synchronistic moment took place as Dr. Ed Kellogg presented on how the Major Arcana of the Tarot fit into the Kabbalah. Although I have seen something similar to this before, his version made significantly more sense then others that I had seen by dividing the deck in half, instead of cramming all the cards into one tree. He also made reference to the movement of the Tarot going up and down, which connected the part of the dream that stated my foundation was the opposite of what most people have experienced. I mean wow, hard to be ignored – the dream, the costume, my thesis, my life’s work, all coming together in another’s vision. To be honest, I did not spent much time, if any, learning about the Kabbalah in relation to the Tarot. And here I am planning to turn my thesis into a book, getting ready to re-emerge myself into the research to do so, and an amazing avenue of information has opened up right in front of me.

The next day I cut out poster board and glued the dream shape on the back of the Wheel of Fortune card. That evening my roommates and I were running late to the costume contest and had the synchronistic fortune of running into Dr. Kellogg at the elevator. I said to him, “How synchronistic that you and I should run into each other as this costume represents the ‘beast’, as you would call it, in this card”, showing him the Wheel of Fortune image. He simply responded, “How synchronistic”.

For me, the “beast” at the top of the image of the wheel signifies the more surface or non integrated version of ourselves – which has very much been my life over the last year as a mom, a professor, a dreamworker and a Tarotpy practitioner. And in the last second before taking stage, I choose to refrain from sharing the symbol and instead focused on the piecemeal creature that is me.

Photographed by Richard Wilkerson

A few days after I returned home, another synchronistic moment occurred. I blindly broke a piece of chocolate from the bar into the a close resemblance of the shape that I had drawn in my dream journal – again reminding me of the greater connection in life. Perhaps it was meant to influence me to continue on, through this lull in which I have questioned my actual purpose in life. Or perhaps it’s to remind me that there are bigger “plays” happening around me, ones that I am not aware. Whatever the case may be I knew that I had to share the sweetness of this overall synchronicity.

Posted in Dreaming & Tarot | Tagged Dream Ball, Dream Conference, dream interpretation, dreams, IASD, Major Arcana, Oswald Wirth, Spirituality, synchronicity, Synchronistic Events, tarot, Wheel of Fortune | Comments Off

Dealing with Change

Posted on April 17, 2014 by Athena

Yesterday, I was shuffling my tarot decks in preparation when three cards flew out in this order- the Chariot, the Tower and the Moon.

Deck by Jonathan Dee

The message was instantly clear and is key to dealing with change, both inner and outer, that is taking place for many of us who are feeling the weight of the times. The message is this:

First, their will be an unsettling feeling within that brings up emotions, even though you may present yourself as having it all together. It is not always easy to put your finger on what it is, and it can feel like pent up frustration, pit of the stomach feeling, anxiety, anger, resentment, etc. This is the “calling” for the need to change. This is all related to the Chariot.

Second, the realization will strike you putting your ego in check. Not only must we recognize our part in the this unresolved feeling/issue (whether we were acting it out consciously or unconsciously), we must watch as it tears down who we are – igniting the required change. If we are not responding to the need for change, life has a tendency to force it on us an outer experience that speeds things along. However, there will still be people that will resist change, not moving pas this point. This is all related to the Tower card.

Third, is the time to walk our talk – be the change that we want to see within us/within our world. It is a time of trials and tests to ensure that we have shed the old layers, allowing the new one to function in the world. It is a time to find balance within, between the opposites and extremes of life. We must protect the soft inner changes with our hard outer shell, ensuring that we do not let our old ways be triggered by our environment. This is all related to the Moon card.

Thus we are in the midst of the process of change that others are and will be facing this challenge (note: the Chariot card was pulled in at least 4 of the readings). So… PERSEVERE. Be STRONG. Be BRAVE. And FLOW with the change.

Posted in Dreaming & Tarot | Tagged blogtalkradio, cardinal grand cross, change, Major Arcana, Spirituality, tarot | Comments Off

The Wounded Feminine

Posted on November 20, 2013 by Athena

I am angry… I am angry that my innocence was taken away from me, thus warping my experience and understanding of sexuality. I am angry that the wounding is still affecting me to this day even after the therapy as a child and all the layers that I have healed from over the years — and that it has reared its ugly head AGAIN through a dream! I am angry that in the moment of that tragic event my beautiful, happy childhood memories were cut off along with those dark ones. I am angry that my husband has to endure a wound that was placed upon me as a child, fragmenting me and my image of what it means to be a woman. But what I am most angry about is that at the tender age of 9, I did not speak up to stop the attrocity — that I hid inside my imaginative world to avoid the unwanted sexual advances taking place on my physical body. And I am angry that this scenerio has happened to thousands of women all over the world and through out many lifetimes. When is enough, enough?!

I am standing up now and saying NO, you do not get to do that to me or any child or woman for that matter. It is not okay to wound someone so deep that they have to continually face it in their life through the sexual hangups; creating the extremes within of maiden or mother, and nun or whore. Making me feel shame about my own sexuality, because it happened to me by my own family member. Thus causing arguments in my family, dividing our family into those who supported me and those who supported him. Let’s not even forget how I was not believed after it happened. I ran from the house just as soon as I could to get help from the neighbor. That neighbor, among the other women who entered the room, did not believe me except for my mother. Then the police and doctors repeatively inquired about my story, drilling me with questions. In their lack of belief of the events that took place, that it was only a molestation and not a rape, they forced me to have a pelvic exam. I kept telling them that he did not have sex with me, yet they continued to examine me. I was not heard… I was not believed. And somewhere deep inside I have taken those insensitivies and judgements outwardly placed upon me and turned them inward on myself. I have not let myself be heard, telling myself I do not have anything worthy to say. I have not believed my abilities, thus refraining from speaking from or for them.

This wounding in me that happened in this lifetime reflects the wounding that has happened through my ancestral line and throughout the world. This wounding comes from the long line of my family members who experienced sexual, physical and verbal abuse in their lives. Followed by the line of my ancestors – the women who were told to remain quiet about what had happen to them, to lie in order to not shame their families, to remain unseen and unheard in the world. Why is this okay?! It is not okay… IT IS NOT OKAY!

It is time to heal the wounds of the feminine, not only as an individual story, but the story of women all over the world from the past, present and future. It is time to speak up, say no, be heard. Let’s heal the feminine within and without. This is not a gender issue, we all possess the feminine within us and in our world. The wounded feminine is injured at various levels within all of us. It is in the perception of our mother’s, the way we raise our daughter’s, the way we raise our son’s to treat women, it is the way our father’s or father figure’s treated our mother’s. All of this has had an impact on our perception and experience of the feminine.

This wound was brought out through a dream. A dream that I just had the other day, that was connected to a series of dreams — so incredibly powerful and so incredibly revealing. It started a month ago, when the first dream came to me about the need to heal my family and ancestry. In the dream a powerful crystalize form picked me up from my neck and held my throat so tightly that I could hardly speak. Then this dream figure showed up again on a Tarot card (from the OH deck) in which the outer layer or frame said “Powerplay” and the inner image was of a woman with a grey-ish hand covering her mouth. In that instant I knew those cards were connected with my dream, and it sent me back to that physical feeling of that entity gripping my throat. Waves of emotion poured over me as I sat with several amazing women who all unintentionally spoke of the wounded feminine in some form or another. It was coming to them through dreams, through the cards, through their daily life.

Then the big dream came the day after the gathering, that ripped this wound wide open. The dream sent me back into that feeling as a child, shutting up and methodically planning how I was going to escape from the situation as soon as possible. But in this dream, rather than the real life awake situation, I stopped the physical advances that were made. I pushed it off of me, ran out the room and slammed the bottom half of the two-piece door. I then yelled back into to the room that it was disgusting that they should ever think it was acceptable to do something like that to someone, let alone their own family member. And as I was yelling this into the room I stated that I was 21, which is considered a born-in-date in the Dibble dreamwork interpretation method. When you have a born-in-date in your dream you subtract it from your current age, which puts me at the age of 13. When I was 13, I stood up for myself when I was in a very unhealthy environment surrounded by drugs, domestic abuse and severe negativity. That moment in time was the catalyst for me to leave what was my home and three months later move to Los Angeles. That was one of the hardest things I did for myself and it was reflected in my dream. It was a point in my childhood where I stood up to voice what was wrong, and protected myself from the damage that was to come. The dream reminded me that as a child, I can and did voice my concerns in order to protect myself! Perhaps in a way my 9 year old self was able to live through my 13 year old self in those protesting words and angry demeanor.

And that is why I am writing about this now, to address my long standing anger that has been hidden away in the depths of my soul preventing me from being my true self. I did not truly voice my anger when I was 9 and could not have known then that by not expressing my anger how it would affected me today. I no longer want to be ashamed to be a sexual woman. I no longer want to be afraid to speak my truth. So this is me exposing my wound, in hopes that this time it will completely heal. And in doing so, I hope that others can heal that piece of their wounded feminine that exist within them as well, thus healing the feminine without.

“As above, so below. As within, so without.” – Originated by Hermes Trimegistus

Posted in Dreaming & Tarot | Comments Off

In the Muck of It

Posted on August 1, 2013 by Athena

The more that you do dreamwork, the more you start to see connections from other dreams and issues in your life. If you have been following my earlier dreams, you may begin to see connections giving insight more into my interior world. In sharing these dreams on this blog, my hope is that you will gain insight into how you can interpret your own dreams and utilize the tarot to penetrate deeper layers of your dream and psyche. Dreams are quite revealing, which is why I suggest doing dreamwork with a small group of people that you feel safe with to share your personal life details that are reflected in your dreams.

When recording a dream it is import to jot down all the small details, too. Sometimes those can be clues into various layers of the dream. But be sure not to over do it with to many details, or you may miss out on what is really important. Find the balance, especially when doing dreamwork in groups. Those details could be important to you but throw off the others from following along with your dream. In this blog, you will see that I try to paint a picture so that others reading or listening can visual my dream. There is a lot of details that I could analyze; However, for the sake of writing too much, I focused on the details that stood out to me the most. In group dreamwork, those details may really resonate with someone else who might be able to provide a whole new layer. As you read this, feel free to comment on any detail that resonates with you in regards to my dream. I could always use additional aspects!

Dream July 20, 2013:

At first I was in a square room that looked like a old Vegas hotel room. The indigo carpet went about three inches up the side of the wall from the floor, which then turned into an intricate pattern of burgundy and cream. The room was infested with houseflies in their cocoon state before hatching into actual flies. They were everywhere, under everything – the bed, the mattress. I’m trying to vacuum them and sweep them up to get rid of them. Then I started spraying them with my non-toxic cleaner, hoping to kill them before they hatched. They are consolidated into one half of the room, which is the half that I am spraying. The spray has caused them to expand and explode like thin clear balloons. Some of the catepillar (maggots) had turned into the cocoon’s which had three infant flies in it, and as it’s body or casing expanded the younglings were trying to hatch out. I was frantically trying to kill them before they were released, and pop the expanding bodies with the broom so that they were small enough to vacuum up. My husband comes over to me and suggest that we just leave and clean it up later. He then opens the door near the corner that was most infested to walk out the door. I then overhear a group of three college aged men sitting on a couch talking about how the flies had infested their house too. I stopped to converse with these men about the flies, and my husband continued out and closed the door. The guys asked how I was dealing with the infestation. I told them it was important to kill the flies so that they couldn’t lay anymore eggs – stopping and preventing the cycle. This whole time I am completely grossed out by this situation and trying to stop people from seeing what is going on by sending them back out the door from which they came. This door was located on the non-infested side of the room, different door from which my husband left. In the center of the room was a list of people’s names. This one man, reminiscent of my father, was supposed to come to the location. He wanted to attend the gathering being held in the building that adjacent from this one, but he was too concerned about spending money. I was told by another man that every time he goes out he ends up spending $30,000 here and $30,000 there – adding up to $60,000 in one night. So the guy on the list choose not to come, even though I felt he really wanted to be there.

The room then turns into a square pond/pool, and it is located outside. I am in the pond/pool now with a net and broom scooping and sweeping out the bugs and muck. The water on the side of where the infestation was, is now a beautiful sapphire color. The other side that was not infested with flies has now turned into mucky water with brown-orange algae growing, especially in the corner where I had sent people out. I am going in a counter-clockwise direction to clean it. In the dirtiest corner where the algae was mostly setting atop of the water, I was sweeping the algae out of the pool. I continued in the counter-clockwise direction as I cleaned. There was a woman in the pool on the clean sapphire side and I had overheard her daughter telling her that she really wanted a parrot. I saw the woman leave from the corner of my eye and then come back into the water holding a white parrot. She looked so happy to be able to give it to her daughter. As I was cleaning around them, trying not to scare the bird, I remarked to the woman in a joking manner – “you know parrots live forever, right?!” Then I continue in the counter-clockwise manner cleaning the pool, thinking about how dirty it is and how I can make it better.

Initial Analysis:

In dreams, be sure to always go with your first instinct or gut feeling on what something means, then build out from there. Start with the things from the dream that stand out to you the most. You will be amazed by how the dream will unfold and lead you into other meaningful tangents.

This dream immediately made me think of the dream “Renewal of Sacred Space”, in which the water was toxic and green, stored up in a deep rectangle-shaped cement hole in the basement of a house. When the water was released it was cleansed and renewed by its flow into a clay round pond – that changed the color to turquoise. However, in this dream the pond had both clean blue water and cloudy algae water in it, and it is clearly a square shape. The square shape represents completion, although in the dream, I do not feel like leaving with my husband (i.e. I don’t feel like its complete). I am bound and determined to clean it up before I leave. I could have left with my husband and walked out the door, but I wanted to end the cycle of the flies. Since this dream took place of the eve of the end of Mercury Retrograde, it seems like to me this is all about ending a past cycle that I refuse to let repeat again. I am the one that has to cleanse the situation. The beginning of Mercury Retrograde brought my ex back into my life – AGAIN – for another round of drama! But this time, I am determined to emotionally un-attach from the rollercoaster that he oh so loves to bring me on. I do not want to continue this cycle of yearly legal battles. While I may not be able to clean up the last loose end, I can let go of the hurt and wounds that he continually rips the healing scabs off of.

Water usually represents emotions, and I need to be in the emotions of this situation – to feel it, to do the physical work, to change it. And clean out the side of the emotions that is full of muck. I did so by removing the algae from the pool on the same side that I turned people back out the door. I feel like that is representative of getting rid of the people and the stagnant water that I don’t need in my life. Although, I was turning away the people because I did not want them to be in the way of my cleaning, and partly because I did not want them to see the grossness of the situation with the flies. This muck is the issues and people that I am dealing with emotionally, still trying to let go of those ties. I have really been working on letting myself process all of the emotions that I feel towards my ex and people around that situation, so that I can finally heal even while possibly being in the middle of another legal proceeding.

The cleaning of the pool in a counter-clockwise manner reminds me of clocks turning back in time, i.e. going back into the past. That is exactly what I have been doing in terms of the emotions that have been coming up with ex. I need to go back into those feelings and completely heal them by actually processing them instead of boxing them away. Prior to the dream (during Mercury Retrograde) I have been doing cathartic physical activities to deal with all of the emotions from the past, just like the dream showed by the sweeping, vacuuming, and sifting. However, I still had a sense that the muckiness in the pond was beyond my control, in that I could only clean it so much. The murkiness on the one side of the pond could not be cleaned with any of the tools that I had on hand. However, in the same pond the other half was crystal clear sapphire blue. The waters did not have anything separating the two, they just were divided yet coexisting in the same space. Perhaps that is alot like me and the emotions that I have separated from my current life. The clear blue side was the same side that my husband exited from. I feel that the clear blue side represents the happiness, clarity and beauty of the life I currently have. Whereas, the cloudy side is the old life that I had and the murky, stagnant, and unhealthy side that I have separated with. One side is not affecting the other, but they both exist emotionally within me.

The mother and father figures also stand out to me in this dream. I relate to the mother wanting to give her daughter what her heart desires, while also relating to the father figure that is so concerned about spending to much money in that he choses to miss out on what his heart really desires. I feel the conflicting thoughts and sides of myself in regards to our current finances. This is reflecting the logical masculine side and the nurturing feminine side that is always trying to find a balance within us. The white parrot in particular makes me recall a dream a few years ago about the cockatoo from my work, that I love so very much, turning into a water bottle. The details about that dream are rather fuzzy, so I went looking through my dream journal and dream stuff for it. Instead I found some remote writings that a psychic wrote on my ex several years ago (here is another example of one direction of thought, searching for a earlier recorded dream, led me to something else relevant for this dream). It discusses him being energetically tied to me and that only a judge could end our karmic tie. A judge could easily end this third round, thereby ending all reasons to attempt to sue me.

On another level, like “Renewal of Sacred Space”, this dream is also referencing what I ate and drank the night before the dream. My celebratory night included unhealthy choices that make my body feel gross and polluted – shown by the mucky water. My subconscious is again making me aware of how those types of nights affect my body.

Tarot:

This drawing of the tarot cards was different than what I normally do. For this dream, I attempted to just pick one card, but I felt the need for two in a very peculiar way. When gliding my hand over the spread deck, I felt this magnetizing feel as if two cards next to each other were polar opposite and pushing away from each other. So I grabbed them both. As synchronicity would have it, the physical feeling that I got was exactly what the cards revealed.

No subcategories, attempted to select one card but ended up with two

Chosen deck: “The Dreamer’s Journal” by Barbara Moore

Question: What do I do?

Tarot Analysis:

Before looking into each individual card, it is always good to try to get an overall understanding of the spread. What do they have in common? How does the spread speak to the question? Normally I do not look at the guidebook for the tarot cards until after I have analyzed the imagery. Since I did not pick sub-categories to the question, I needed a bit of help to get me going in direction to such a vague question as “what do I do”. Also from the looks of the cards, I was having trouble identifying the mood of each card.

It seems ironic that the card with the most green and picturesque background (5 of Cups), is a card of sadness and loss, while the card with a more dreary background is about wish fulfillment and happiness (9 of Cups). Talk about quite a contrast, which is exactly what I was feeling when selecting them; it was like two magnets pushing away from each other. These two cards very much represent the two sides that existed in the room and pool in my dream – polar opposites. It is interesting to note that the dirty side switched from one side to the other when the dream shifted from a room to a pond/pool. Much in the same way that these two cards have aspects of their opposite (the backgrounds not really matching the mood of the figure). Also, both cards are cups which are generally about love.

In the 5 of Cups, the girl is reflecting upon a loss. She has her back turned upon the two cups standing upright, and gazes towards the three that have fallen and spilled. The three fallen cups instantly make me connect to the fact that this will be the third time my ex is attempting to sue me. My sadness does come from that direction because it makes me think about how I could have ever chosen a man to be in my life that is so out to hurt me. I have given him an alternative option to going to court that is very fair to both of us, yet instead he seeks to make a mess (spilled cup reference) through legal action. What makes me the most sad is that someone who once truly loved you, as you did them, can continually treat their once beloved in such a way. Its absolutely disgusting to me! AHA, there is the flies portion and feeling such disgust at the situation. And that is a big part of what I need to let go. It has been almost 7 years – this is how he is always going to be to me and I need to freaking accept it! Honestly, this is the last thing that he can try to take to court. It is the third cup emptying on the ground, the other two matters have already been left behind and settled (i.e. the two upright cups). I suppose that in this disgust, there is also some guilt for choosing such a person who would treat me like this. Guilt can be a huge waste of emotion, since you cannot change what you have done. It is what it is. Instead, it should just be turned into a lesson that can be used in the future. However, I am not quite sure what that lesson is at this time.

Once the figure in the card does completely turn her back on the remaining cups, she has such a bright and beautiful journey ahead. I think secretly, I’ve always felt like this BS has been holding me back energetically. I need to energetically cut the ties by letting go of the past emotions, past life connections and current concern over his ensuing need to take me to court. The truth is that everything will be fine, whatever happens, he cannot take away my happiness and beautiful future. Every time we have gone to court, it has ended exactly as I said it would – in a fair way that could have been solved simply between the two of us.

One of the books that I use to give me more insight into the cards, especially minor arcana, states “In Relationships this card indicates a crisis that comes from the mistakes of the past polluting the moments of the present. You should ensure that you are seeing the present moment for what it is rather than basing it on your previous experience (Around the Tarot in 78 Days by Katz & Goodwinn).” Well that fits right along with the mucky water, and the change of one-side being dirty to the other side. My past is muddying up my present view on this situation. Perhaps my ex has a new motive for pushing this forward, like his new family or true desire to have all ties cut between he and I. Let me tell you, there is nothing more that I would love than to severel all our contractual ties, but it is simply out of my control at this point. And as soon as I can change that – I will! What I can do is cut our energetic ties, let go and don’t look back.

The 9 of Cups represents my new life, whereas the 5 of Cups represents my old life with my ex. This card is called the “wish card” and speaks of feeling as if all of one’s dreams have come true. I really do feel this way. I have a beautiful family, wonderful friends, a promising future with two amazing careers, and feel so incredibly blessed for everything in my life (except for drama with the ex). These last several years have really shown me that things always work out the way it is supposed to and I feel very supported by the Universe – it has always taken care of me. Even in the midst of financial struggles, I have really come to see what is important and only ever wished for happiness. And through it all, happiness is exactly what I found!

On the flip-side of the coin for this card Around the Tarot in 78 Days by Katz & Goodwinn states that “In Spiritual Awareness & Self Development this card indicates a need to connect with one’s emotional past. It often signifies the potential for stagnation which requires a new impetus to break free.” The card is again directly connecting with my dream, by using the word stagnation. Ponds turn mucky due to stagnation, and the water is connected with my emotions in which I am going counter-clockwise (back in to my past) to deal with. Well an impetus is a force or energy that causes something to move. In the dream I am doing the work (moving to clean), which I have also being doing in waking life in order to cleanse the situation. In my dream I felt that I could not completely clean the muckiness in the water, that some aspect of it was beyond my ability. And in regards to this legal situation, there is much that is out of my hands. Perhaps the answer now is to get out of the water/emotions and head through the door that my husband exited through, leaving behind my past so that I can be like the 5 of Cups on her promising journey.

So what is the answer to the question “What do I do?”. Simply stated I need to let go and never look back. Over the past month and a half, I have done a lot of reflection, worked through emotions, worked this dream and even physically removed a tree all the way down to its roots because it was a symbolic wedding gift to my ex and I. In this last layer of letting go the pain, hurt and sadness brought upon by years of legal battles and bullying, I will now turn around and focus on my blessed life of happiness, love and the beautiful journey ahead!

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Tarot & Dreamwork

Posted on July 16, 2013 by Athena

How to use the Tarot in Dreamwork…

The Tarot has really enhanced dreamwork for me, especially when interpreting my own dreams. It is as if someone else is there in the cards, providing deeper insight into the dream – especially aspects that are difficult to interpret.

The beauty of the Tarot is that it is a pictorial mythology that represents the human journey through life. The Major Arcana of the Tarot (the first 22 cards of the Tarot deck) represent several of the universal archetypal events, figures and motifs. It not only contains the archetypes, but as a pictorial mythology its artwork is rich with multiple layers of symbolism.

Dreams are like short myths that we have each night, allowing us to be a character on a meaningful journey. Dreams too are packed full of symbols, archetypes and universal wisdom. Both dreams and the Tarot hold potent messages for maturation, individuation, and personal and planetary evolution.

By using the Tarot to interpret dreams, one is able to connect with the source of wisdom in waking life. The Tarot allows for the subconscious to continue communication with the dreamer in an awakened state through imagery, symbolism, synchronicity and the significance of the cards. Thus it can deepen your dream analysis by providing an alternative way of communicating the message.

The best thing is you DO NOT have to know the meaning of the cards in order to do dreamwork! With that said, the more familiar you become with the Tarot, the more that you can see how the universal archetypes are showing up in your dreams. You may even be able to chart where you are in your journey through the cycle of the cards.

The Tarotpy method is my method of choice. It allows the dreamer to create a layout that is personal to their dream, and puts the cards in the hands of the dreamer. Thus it increases the chance for synchronicity between your dreams and your life, putting the answers in your hands.

Try it. Pull out that old deck of Tarot, dream or soul cards that you have had in your closet for years, and try something new! Take a dream, whether you have already been working it or not, and think about a question you have about it. Once you have the question in mind, select the amount of cards it will take to answer it. Be sure to take the first number that pops into your mind.

On a sheet of paper, draw a layout of how you want the cards to be displayed based on the number you selected. Then name or subcategorize, in reference to the overall question, each card placement on the layout. These subcategories could be dream figures, symbols, acts, etc. They could also be open-ended questions directly related to the overall question that you are posing to the cards.

Begin shuffling your deck, reviewing the dream in your mind and the question that you have about your dream. BLINDLY select one card at a time keeping in mind the subcategory when choosing and place it facing down in the same layout design that you have created. You may use more than one deck in your layout. Once all the cards have been laid down, turn them over.

First look to see if there is a common theme to the cards based on figures, colors, feeling, etc. What does that say to you? There are NO WRONG ANSWERS – there is no wrong way to interpret this! Take notes along the way, so that you can keep this analysis with your recorded dream. Next chose which card you want to start with first and analyze its imagery based on the subcategory and overall question. What answer does it suggest? Refrain from using the deck’s guide on the meaning of the cards until after you have worked through the imagery, so that you can experience each card with an open mind. After going through each card like this, ask yourself how all of the cards in the layout answer the overall question.

This method can be even more powerful with at least one other person reading the imagery with you – and helpful when you are stumped by a card itself. When doing any kind of group work, remember to let the dreamer give their interpretation first and then the others can offer suggestions to the card’s meaning. In the end it empowers the dreamer to decide what the dream means and they learn how to use a tool to work their dreams anytime.

A lot of people ask me how to choose a deck. The answer is: choose whatever deck, whether soul, dream or tarot, that resonates with you. Heck, choose several! Having multiple decks can give you the advantage of selecting a deck that resembles the dream or the feeling of your day, as well as allowing you to use multiple decks in one layout. Buying decks that have artwork on every card tends to work smoother with this type of method of reading the imagery. However, if you prefer to use the more traditional Tarot decks for dreamwork, you can set aside the Minor Arcana that tends to only have pictures of staffs, swords, pentacles and cups, and just use the cards of the Major Arcana for the reading.

If you would like to schedule a dream analysis using the Tarot, email me at starcarddreaming@gmail.com.

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The Transformative Butterflies

Posted on June 21, 2013 by Athena

Butterflies cut from a single sheet of many colors.

Dream:

In my dream Star Card Dreaming/Consulting had manifested into a store like business. I was talking to a friend of mine about how it had changed since its conception, and did so by flowing with the needs of the patrons. As people were requesting specific aspects of what I did, the company naturally changed towards fulfilling those needs. Then I heard that same friend retelling the story to one of her friends, and in it she added a whole other layer to the story from her perspective, thus allowing me to gain more insight into what it had become. As the story continued to be shared, other layers were added to it, showing itself as die-cut patterns of a butterfly on various shades of colored paper. Those die-cut butterfly patterns were laid out, fanned out with one on top of the other, visually displaying all of the layers of organic transformation that had occurred.

Initial Analysis:

It has always been a dream of mine to open up a spiritual bookstore for classes, readings and a center for community. I would love it if this work one day takes me into that direction. It has always felt to me that my work would need an organic growth of clients, students and followers. My goal is to empower people by providing the tools they need to be self sufficient in communicating with their higher selves. That is why tarot is so amazing, because everyone can utilize it to gain introspection on themselves and their lives. Tarot has been coveted for years by readers or mediums, who rarely even let you have the opportunity to touch their decks and are the only ones who can give you the messages that they share. Through the method of Tarotpy, the cards are not controlled by interpretations based on a book or a single perspective of the reader, they are revealed through your own intuition. Look, readers or mediums can and do have valid insight, especially when they have studied and read many people – because you start to get a deeper understanding of the specific cards and layouts that those without experience do not have. However, placing the power in the hands of the people who are seeking the answers leads to deeper, more meaningful and synchronistic experiences than someone else telling you who you are and where you are going. My hope in doing all of this (the blog, the workshops, the social media) is that I can guide people who will then share their experience, which will lead my company’s growth and transformation in whatever direction that it is meant to be heading.

The butterfly symbolizes transformation and spirit, but it comes in an interesting form through the die-cut pattern on the paper. Meaning that the pattern has already been created so that each time it cuts through the paper, the pattern is exactly the same. But what makes the pattern different is the colors and the shades of colors that are chosen to be cut into. So in a way, I already have the pattern created through the work I have been doing for the past several years. The groundwork has been done with the research, the thesis, presentations and now workshops. The mold has been created; it is solid enough to be replicated. Now it is about the versions that I choose to use (or colors of paper) to cut the patterns into. Honestly, the workshop that I will be doing for the very first time in Virginia (which is where I am right now writing this) is just another version of the same thing that I have been doing with a slight variance by actually walking the audience through how dream analysis can be done with the tarot.

Tarot:

Intuited card pull: 3

Chosen Decks: Marseille Deck and The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore

Question: How do manifest my dream into reality?

Sub-Categories from left to right: How do I get there?, What is my destiny with this business?, Next Step?

Chosen Layout: three all in a horizontal row

Question: How do I transform my dream into reality?

Tarot Analysis:

Subcategory: Next Step?

The first thing that jumped out to me is the Fool card from the Marseille deck that is in the sub-category of what is my next step. Of course that is the card that I would get! Ha! One must be like the Fool and take on the adventure without knowing the exactly where they are going. The Fool just wants to get out and go because he feels a calling deep within that he cannot ignore. Through the trials and tribulations one grows from the experience and serendipitously ends up where they truly belong. And in making the journey I will have to expose myself to humility, as the Fool’s butt cheek has been exposed (although he is completely unaware of it). I will just have to keep heading in the direction of the unknown, letting my goal of finding what it is that I’m looking for be my guide, in whatever forms it may come. I always see the dog as the natural instinct of survival that has to be left behind in order to evolve into a life that requires a higher level of living. One that does not react to the moment in fight or flight and must muscle its way to be the pack leader. As humans we have created ways of life that has allowed us to not have to worry about our basic needs being met so that we can use our minds to create and evolve within our civilization. However, in doing so, we must not ignore our basic needs and instinct as the Fool is doing in the image by not even noticing that the dog has ripped his pants in trying to get his attention. This card also speaks of a passivity in life, as in letting life happen to him by not knowing where he is going. Thus he cannot plan so much as having to adapt to the situations as they come. This again speaks to me about the need for me to go with the flow of where this business is heading, and enjoy the journey more than worrying about the destination.

Subcategory: How do I get there?

Not sure how to react to the Judgment card from the Marseille deck for the sub-category of how do I get there. But what did come to me was that I have gone through this period of years where I was always drawing the Star card in readings, then the Moon card, then the Sun card. The next in line is the Judgment card. I have traveled well through the three cards before this one, and now it is time to rise back from the depths of myself and onto the earthly plane. I am being called by the dream, by my life’s work, to rise up and share it with the world. This requires communicating with people, even if I only have two to start with now. It is time to speak my truth, so that others can find theirs. In one of the courses that I was preparing a quiz for recently, Dr. Obadiah Harris speaks of the cross as a meeting of the transcendental and eminent (depicted in the flag that the angel is holding). At the crossroad one must surrender themselves to its will, which is the divine will of fulfilling one’s true purpose for which they were placed on earth. So I would say that not only do I need to continue communication flowing, I also need to surrender myself to the will of my higher calling.

Subcategory: What is my destiny with this business?

For the sub-category, what is my destiny with this business, the Empress card was selected from the Moore deck. I am drawn to the sceptre that she holds in her left hand that is lit up by its own intrinsic light. She wields its power and holds it firmly in her grip. Her dress seems to bleed into the ground as if she fertilizes the ground beneath her feet aiding in the growth of the greenery and flowers below. She seems to be connected to all aspects of life and seasons from the dry desert, to the spring time, to the time of harvest. She is the feminine spiritual energy transformed into the material world. Behind her flows great waterfalls signifying the abundance of the life giving force (symbolized by the water) that she has within. In the card, the Empress is pregnant. I now remember that I dreamt of being about 6 – 7 months pregnant last night, with a baby girl – enough to show but not at full term. That baby symbolizes my creative undertaking of this business. It is not yet ready to come out full fledged as it is still developing within me. I feel like this card is telling me to have some patience and let this beautiful gift come out when it is ready. That does not mean that I should not continue to blog and do the social media, it just means I need to let it become what it is meant to be, organically. The Moore guidebook on this card states “This card shows a time of natural growth. Your role is to nurture without forcing or neglecting your project. Pay attention to where you are in the cycle of your project or situation and take the proper steps. There is great potential for abundance if good care is given (p51).” Well that is a pretty direct explanation of what I need to do at this time, but does it answer what is my destiny with this business? Not so much in a direct way, rather it is part of the mystery that I must wait for during this organic growth. Answers will reveal themselves when the project comes to full fruition.

Synchronistic Event:

I am staying in a resort were it has been difficult for us to access WiFi from our rooms, so I came down to the registration area where they have computers available for use. The first computer that I chose kicked me off after an allotted amount of time. Since it is was pretty late – I almost decided to leave and work on it at another time. Then I moved over to the next computer contemplating returning to my work when I noticed a picture of a butterfly that someone had left on the side of the computer. I can tell that it is a child’s project and that they used some sort of sponge or butterfly pattern to create the image. So that was my que to stay and finish the dream analysis.

Synchronistic Event: Found next to the computer.

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The Organization of Me: Common Themes in Dreams

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Athena

Over the course of the last month, I have hardly been able to catch one of my fleeting dreams. However, I am aware that I have been dreaming of a common theme, although I cannot remember much in regards to details. The theme has been one of organizing by either cleaning, sorting or sifting. Most of the month, if not two months, I have been cleaning/organizing a room. In awake life, my way of organizing is to turn everything upside down first. I will pull everything out of draws and sort things into piles. Then when everything has been sorted the organizing begins by gathering things in the areas that they belong and finding the best layout to fit it all in to the space that is provided. In one tidbit of a dream, I am organizing brushes and personal care items on a vanity. There is a basket with dividers and I am putting the combs with the combs, the brushes with the brushes, etc. This dream may be referencing the fact that since I have been a mom, I have put my child before my personal upkeep in many ways. It is months between hair coloring, eye brow threading and there are times when I just plain forget to brush my hair as I run out of the house for one of his planned activities. I have realized over the course of this year in particular, how important it is that I still pay attention to my “vanity” needs. By doing so I feel so much better, prettier and sexier, which in turn makes me a happier woman and my husband a happier man. There are many new moms that will tell you that they just want to feel pretty again. If ignored it will slide them into a depression, however it can be an easy fix if caught early enough (amazing what some toe nail polish, haircut and hair color can do).

The other night I remember watching the sifting of items moving from left to right, as if being moved by a powerful force like gravity. As the items moved, the larger ones were sorted out to the side, so that they rest of it could continue on in the flow. It was very reminiscent of the factory machines that sort nuts, seeds or fish by sizes so that the same sized items are together for whatever purpose is chosen for that particular size (ex. smaller seeds grounded up, larger ones sold in packets, etc). The items moving were mostly red-orange in color and a lot of the bigger items were other colors like blue. My first reaction to this dream was that I have been weeding out issues in my life, like I am refining what I need to be focusing on now. Since most of the dreams before were about larger items being organized, I feel that I have made a significant movement towards cleaning out my mind of what is no longer needed or of importance. It feels like a very spiritual movement as well. It makes me feel as if I am getting closer to having ME organized and together in a whole new way. My instinct is that the colors have to do with my chakras. On a website that discusses the chakra color meanings, it states “When you see red, consider a sonic boom of powerful action propelling you forward. Consider this the spark of action. Make this hot red heat the seat of your physical, spiritual, emotional birth. (http://www.whats-your-sign.com/chakra-color-meanings.html)”. In the dream the items are being propelled, but rather than forward, it is propelling items from left to right. That could be the movement from logic (left side of the brain) to creativity (right side of the brain). I found this article only after I had described my dream, and it completely resonates with what I was saying. This is truly the beauty of dreams, when the dream world aligns with the outside world to create a synchronistic event making you more aware of the interconnectedness. Since the color was red-orange, I also read the meaning of the color orange, the sacral chakra. It speaks about refining the creativity brought from the root chakra (red). However, my sense is that the movement of the color was coming from the opposite direction, moving away from orange and into a full red color. Like if it was quarter turned then it would be falling down and out of the body, back to the primal mother from which it came.

This thought flow leads me to connect with the events of last week when I attended a workshop of my mentor Lauren Schneider at Pacifica Graduate Institute. Towards the end of the event, she had us break into groups and pull tarot cards (this being the same way that I work with clients). Before blindly selecting the tarot cards, you must think of a question. My question was “What do I do to get things going with my career?”. Then I thought of how many cards I would need to answer this question. The first number that popped in my head was 3. I created a quick layout of how I wanted these displayed, and mapped the layout of what each card would represent. The cards were displayed in the shape of a happy face. Starting from left – right I chose the first space to represent what is in my way, the second to represent me, and the third to represent how I get there (all the placements being subcategories of the question). I blindly selected each card with the question and subcategory in mind, as if asking the cards to give me the most detailed answer that they could. Now these cards were a story tales deck (forgot the name, but not the one that I have), so they give you the answer through a fairy tale in which to learn from, in addition to a meaning suggest by the card’s guide book. The first card in the layout, the “what’s in my way” subcategory, was the 8 of Pentacles with the image referencing a story about two giants and a human of the trickster type. The meaning that the book gave was that I needed to organize and draft a plan. This card clearly supports my dreams in telling me this.

Another thing that resonated with me when researching colors in dreams, was that the color red can denote feeling tired or having a lack of energy. Which is very true in my case, but also connects to the image on the 8 of Pentacles for the subcategory of “what’s in my way” to getting my career going. In the image the giants were resting/sleeping against a large tree. The first thing that I said to the group I was working with about that card is that perhaps it is telling me that laziness is getting in my way. However, in reality I know that I am not able to really be lazy – I am always busy trying to fit in as many things in my day as I can. So really it is about my lack of energy, the constant feeling of being tired, that is getting in my way of doing things. I started working out a bit over a month ago to help with this issue, but I have yet to feel the benefit of extra energy from this active lifestyle. It is so interesting how my dream lead me to look up the meanings of colors in dreams, which connected me with the lecture that I attended last week, which then gave me insight into the card that I drew and did not completely understand at the time. This is the synchronistic way in which life works, however, most of us do not take the time follow its path. I do not do it enough myself.

So what is it about this common theme of organizing in my dreams? Well, I honestly feel like it is a purging of those things which need to get thrown out or moved aside, along with a clarity through organization of those things which I need to keep and understand. The dream theme of organization seemed to start with me cleaning large rooms and now has refined down to the smaller sifting of shapes and colors. I feel that this is a movement that is leading me to the organization of the core things in life. The feelings, ideas, priorities, etc. that have been so all over the place the last couple of years as I have tried to constantly adapt to major changes in my world (pregnancy, marriage, quitting work, motherhood, new identity, etc). I have had to look at the pieces of myself that still make sense and fit with the new me, and let others go that no longer work. Recently, I have been mourning the piece of me that was the eternal student. Going to Pacifica Graduate Institute really made me want to go back to college for my Ph.D, and live that life submersed in education. It is not like I cannot go back eventually to get a doctorate, but I missed that feeling of being on a campus and being deeply intellectually challenged. Life is an ever changing cycle of levels within ourselves, and another new me will come along in the future that can be in a place to choose that life again.

How can I now honor my dreams of organizing? In awake life I can put together a better plan on how to organize all of the things that I personally need to do for myself and career. My son’s world is pretty well organized, so I just need to better merge my needs with his. Creating a physical drafted plan that covers his activities with my career goals, can actually help me get a handle where I stand amidst all of this. Not to mention, it will show me how my time is spent and if I am making the most use of the time I have. My son is always going to be my number one priority, but my needs can also take priority in my life and do not have to throw off his world. There is room for compromise in the need for organization.

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Renewal of Sacred Space

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Athena

Dream:

I was in a four story mansion that was very much shaped like a square. In the bottom level, the basement, there was an inlay where all the plumbing was located for the house. The inlay was deep and filled with water all the way to the top, which was level with the floor. Inside there were two cylinders with pipes connecting everything. The water was a green brown color and stagnant from sitting for so long. I looked closely at the water and debated touching it when the man that was with me warned me that it may be toxic. I looked at the cylinders and thought that they could contain something that was poisoning the water, so I refrained from touching it. The man and I agreed that we would find a way to get the water drained, perhaps by calling a professional. I went back upstairs to the third level when the man came to find me to show me what he had discovered in the basement. We returned downstairs and the water was all gone; the piping was dry and the room was clean. He showed me the wall that he was able to open like a “the flood gate” that he used to release all of the water from the room by sending it down the hill and into a dried pond bed. Now the pond was filled and the hard dirt around it was dry. I wanted to go down to the pond so I crawled through this small opening. I stopped before exiting completely because of drops of acid-like liquid that was dripping from above onto a cement pathway. I watched as the droplets landed on to the cement and a thick squiggly cloud rose about an inch from where it splashed. Yet even in seeing this I still attempted to dodge the falling drops of acid-like liquid to get outside. I was hit with one in the arm and another on the head. They burned when they touched my skin, only leaving what looked like a healed scar on my arm. I continued on down the dirt hill to the pond and saw that the water was a light turquoise color floating atop this thick mud. The man that I was with turned into my old boss. He told me that the water that came out of the house had renewed an old pond that was sacred to the Jewish tradition, and the mud at the bottom of the pond was actually clay which Jews used to build basinets for newborn babies. I wondered whether or not the clay had become toxic from the stagnant water which came from the house, and whether or not it would effect the new baby. He continued on about how sacred the space was, and how I just happened to bring it back to life again like it was some hidden biblical scroll lost for centuries. It seemed to me that he saw it as pure from its sacredness, so I did not mention my concern of its possible toxicity. Then I asked him if his daughter, who I am still friends with, was pregnant. I figured that was why he was so excited about making the baby basinet from the clay. He responded by saying that it cannot be announced until the sister of the baby acknowledges its existence (meaning the pregnancy). I thought that was a funny response since his daughter’s other child was four and may not even become aware of her mother being pregnant until she was showing around 6 or 7+ months. Then I pointed out to him that I know his daughter had stopped drinking diet soda for the last 4 months, attempting to prod him a bit for an answer. Again he skirted around the question and stated that it could not be said until the sister of the unborn baby says that her mom is pregnant. I assumed it was an older Jewish belief, something quasi superstitious, and let the questioning go.

Analysis:

When I woke up and started to replay the dream in my head, my focus shifted immediately to the stagnant water in the basement or “bowels of the house” and the wall opening like “flood gates” to release all the water. Last Sunday I became very sick stomach flu-like symptoms (but not it is not the stomach flu) that at first seems like food poisoning but then goes far beyond. Unfortunately this is something that happens about every three years or so, with no explanation from the doctor. I was so sick that after vomiting every 15 minutes or so for 8 hours, along with releasing from the other end, I finally surrendered and went to the hospital. I was so severely dehydrated and having issues raising my blood pressure that they kept me in emergency for 9 hours. Needless to say, it was a rough couple of days, but oddly enough very detoxifying for my body. Very often a house is a dream symbol of your body, and it definitely was in this case. It is interesting to note that clay at the bottom of the pond is a very detoxifying agent that has been used for centuries for various things, but is known to draw out toxins. The stagnant water moving over the clay on the way down the hill and then collecting in the pond, allowed the water to be rejuvenated and cleansed. In this same sort of way by my body ejecting all of the “toxic waters” within, it was able to be cleansed and detoxified.

This whole week I have struggled to eat or drink much of anything as I am recovering from that whole endeavor. However, it has kept me very aware of what I have chosen to eat and drink, all of which has been healthy. My body again has been purified through this cleansing, renewing my awareness of its fragile nature. The body is sacred space. It holds this living aspect (call it self, soul, spirit) of each individual that is only capable of existing within the body that we are given at this time. I am a health conscious person, but have let stress and some non-healthy habits get the best of me these last few months. Those non-healthy habits very well could be represented in the dream by the drops of acid that fell on me as I exited through a crawl space. There was an alternative exit to go outside of the basement, but I instead chose to attempt to dart through drops of acid and become scarred from contact with it (which is how I feel about fried chicken now since I revisited it for 8 hours).

As far as the Jewish traditions go, perhaps that has something to do with my history. My first thought was about my great-great grandfather (mother’s side) who was Jewish and came over from Austria during the Holocaust. My Aunt tells me bits and pieces about our family history, but for the most part I know very little. It wasn’t until I got into my 30’s and had a child that I realized I missed out on learning about my grandmother’s family history (father’s side), since I never asked those types of questions before she passed on. I still do have time to learn about more of my history on my mother’s side, and do not want to miss out on that opportunity.

The daughter of the Jewish man (old boss) in my dream is trying to conceive or just about to try. I sent her a text and told her that I dreamt that she was pregnant and that she wasn’t saying anything because of a Jewish custom. Haven’t heard back yet, but will be interesting to find out if she is pregnant. If it’s anything like last time, she may not be saying anything until after the first trimester or further in the pregnancy. Last time we visited we actually discussed how a few women we know posted all over Facebook that they were pregnant and then tragically lost the baby before the first trimester. Those women then had to communicate the loss of the baby on Facebook and eventually see many of those people that they would have otherwise chosen not to tell about the miscarriage all together. Perhaps its better to just wait for a while, rather than 300 of your “closest” friends finding out.

Tarot:

Choice of Cards: Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue (I chose the Goddess cards because they represent the sacred)

Question to the deck: Please give me more insight into this dream?

Number of cards chosen: originally one, but after seeing the card I decided that I needed more information so I chose another

Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue

The Goddess Ishtar

Boundaries?! How do you have boundaries and a 16 month old child? My stress build up over the last few months has been due to the attempt to find balance between building my career, raising a child, time with my husband and time for myself (oh and forget about keeping house). I almost started to envy those mom’s who had gone back to work and had gotten used to sending their child to daycare. However, I realize that whatever road is chosen by new mommies is difficult in its own way. I am at the point now where I feel comfortable with the idea of my boy attending daycare a few days a week so that I can concentrate on other areas of my life that also need attention. As of now I just cram everything in that I need to do during his naps, and hope that he will sleep about 3 hours. I have gotten very good at saying no to others, because I have no room to give to anyone or anything else. However it is those things that require my time and energy (i.e. preparing courses on a deadline, getting my blog up to speed, and my child in general) that I do not know if and how their can be any boundaries. My first job is to take care of my son and everything else seems to have to fit around that which often leaves me depleted by nightfall. I have been in the process of ensuring that I am taking better care of myself so that I can take better care of everything and everyone else, but all of this has been a slow process with set backs. The guidebook for the Goddess cards on Ishtar states “A sincere desire to give of service is wonderful. However, there is a distinction between giving of yourself and giving up yourself.” This truly has been my battle within since having a child. I am still finding my balance and will just have to continue on the course of setting boundaries for my wellbeing which will then be reflected in the wellbeing of those around me. That stomach issue that I just had I know is connected to my stress level which in turn affects my immune system. Creating and setting more boundaries between being a mother and being Athena, hopefully will help with the stress once I find a happy medium.

After pulling the Goddess card Ishtar, I felt that I still needed more information. So the next card that I blindly selected from the deck was the Goddess card White Tara.

Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

White Tara

When first seeing this card, I am reminded of the Pure Land of Mayahana Buddhism. Its a heavenly place full of bodhisattvas (enlightened beings whom may be prayed to and help people reach enlightenment), with jeweled trees, rays of light and an abundance of lotus flowers of all sizes. It is a place of reward for living the “right” lifestyle in thought, action and speech. All three of the courses that I have been working on to teach for the B.A. program at the University of Philosophical Research involve Buddhism. Specifically the Pure Land Buddhism is focused on a bit on in the course that I am personally creating, rather than the other two that I have taken over for a retired professor. The course that I have been creating has been on the back burner in order to focus on the other two courses that need to be submitted for accreditation to start up the program. It is always on my mind and I often wonder when I will get a chance to get to it. It is also interesting to note that the lotus that White Tara is sitting on is floating atop of water. Lotus flowers grow mostly in dirty, sludgy ponds and bloom into a beautiful pristine flower. It is like a pure sacred flower that arises out of even the most dark and toxic environments. In the dream the water was originally toxic, but then was purified through the clay when it flowed into the pond. It then became sacred water in a sacred location. It is also interesting to note that a pink lotus represents the history of Buddha and the path to enlightenment. Well that is a part of what I will be teaching when the B.A. program is fully up and running.

The White Tara card focuses on sensitivity. It is true that I have become increasing sensitive to everything around me. I am very particular about the TV that I watch and the people that I have around me. However, lately I have been less attentive towards what I eat, drink and the chemicals that I touch. Honestly a lot of this has to do with our current financial situation. We have been on a budget which has changed my selection of foods due to being cautious about prices. When it comes down to it, I am more concerned that my child gets organic and healthy food and skin products than myself. There are plenty of things that I could still do in our financial situation. Just choosing healthier food rather than what is easiest to make, could make a big difference. Don’t get me wrong, I am a pretty health conscious person — usually. When the stress gets to me I tend to drink more wine more often, eat more sweets and find comfort in fatty foods. As far as the chemicals go, most of my house has natural cleaning products. But there are a few chemicals that are a must have for me, like bleach and Comet, which contact could simply be avoided by just wearing gloves. I always used to wear gloves when I cleaned, and can easily fix that situation by buying some. I used to always purchase shampoo, conditioner, lotions and soaps that were made of natural products without chemicals. That changed when the budget came into effect. Now only my child gets the products without chemicals, because he deserves a healthy start to life. My awareness of chemicals being internalized through the skin has been around for sometime, but when their is only a choice between my son and me having the better products – I choose my son. I just keep thinking that I will be fine for now and eventually when the situation changes I can take better care of myself. Perhaps I need to find another way, a way to take care of both my son and myself (unfortunately my husband could care less and has his own bathroom so we don’t share products).

The Goddess Guidebook on White Tara speaks about having to purify my outer world. My first instinct about that is the detoxification process that I went through last Sunday/Monday, that was definitely started this. Now the mission is to keep it purified by being aware and avoiding taking in harmful foods and chemicals. The guidebook states “Your body is a trustworthy instrument of measurement of your tolerance level. Steer clear of that which your body signals you to avoid. Take excellent care of your body, and it shall serve you well!” The Saturday and Sunday (before getting sick that evening), I indulged in too many things. When I do want to indulge in something, I try to only have one or two and then go back to my regular healthy routine. And the funny thing is that I used to do way more indulging more often, but apparently my age and sensitivity to it all caught up with me. I am becoming more sensitive and I need to be really aware of that fact as I go forth.

There is one particular part in Goddess Guidebook that gives me more hope of a blossoming fruitful future. “You’ve stripped away the outer protective layers of unneeded defenses, which blocked your psychic and spiritual awareness. Now you’re on the path of ascension, which calls for your heightened awareness.” I have worked hard at letting go of my unneeded defenses, especially since my husband is so kind to point out my defenses to me when I am in the act of using them. Since I have become more aware, our relationship has gotten even better than it was before. Through his assistance, I have learned to spot them when they arise so that I get defensive like I used to with my friends or family. I do also feel that my psychic and spiritual awareness has increased in the last year (hmm, wonder when my friend will respond to my text about the pregnancy). Part of this requires me to treat my body better, so that my mind can stay more clear and open to this heightened awareness.

Concluding Thoughts

It seems that the Tarot cards focused more on the physical health aspect of my dream than anything else. Some of the Goddess cards do not have a lot of imagery, rather they just focus on the Goddess herself. That is why I could not much relate the image of Ishtar with my dream. However, the words and the meaning in the book helped me to get the message.

I had an “aha” moment the next morning before publishing this piece. The White Tara card pointed out that I was sensitive to chemicals, which led me to write about how I no longer use natural and organic lotions and shampoo/conditioner due to budget concerns. Well I realized that the falling drops of acid that hit me in my dream are actually pointing out that the lotions/soaps (symbolized by the drop of acid falling on my arm), and the hair products (symbolized by the drop of acid falling on my head) are actually affecting my body. While in the short term it may be saving money to buy regular products on the market, it very well could effect us worse financially when I have more hospital stays and my overall health becomes poor. So in order to honor my dream I did go out and replace my shampoo, conditioner, body wash and lotion with products that do not have chemicals. All of which my son and I will both use.

Posted in Dreaming & Tarot | Tagged http://buddhists.org/buddhist-symbols/the-meaning-of-the-lotus-flower-in-buddhism/ | Comments Off

Pi Day?!

Posted on March 14, 2013 by Athena

Who knew there was a national “Pi Day”? Well I sure did not last night when I dreamt about the symbol pi. It is the only piece of my dream that I actually remember, and in the dream I kept telling myself that I had to remember that symbol – that it would be important for me to know when I woke up. So I focused on the symbol. My first reaction to the symbol was that it was the Greek letter for pi, but then I started guessing what else it might be since it was at a distance. I wondered if it was the roman numeral for 2 (II) or was it the Hebrew symbol for life or chai. Ironically the capitalized version of the Greek letter pi does resemble the roman numeral for two and the lower case letter does resemble the Hebrew symbol for life.

Hebrew symbol for life or chai.

All of this was communicated to me through a dream, much of which seemed oh so random upon waking up. But it wasn’t random at all. I learned through my lovely nerdy friends via Facebook News Feed (no offense ladies and gents – just not something most people would know, including me who is a different type of nerdy), that TODAY of all days is Pi Day!

In a million years, I would have never thought that their would be an interest in celebrating the symbol pi which represents the circumference of a circle that’s number goes to infinity. Perhaps to mathematicians and physicists, it is a concept to be amazed by because the number never repeats itself. This sequence of numbers may be like a beautiful painting to an art lover, the concept of God’s divine love by spiritual seekers or an awe-inspiring theory to a philosopher. Apparently Pi Day also celebrates the birth of Albert Einstein’s, which makes the mathematical significance to celebrate more intriguing.

Well why did I have this dream last night? Of course it was to tell me to celebrate Pi Day — NO, I don’t think so! Although I do have deep respect for Albert Einstein and appreciate learning that today is his birthday so that I may consciously think of him, there are other layers of this pi left to examine. Albert Einstein was said to have gotten so deep into his mathematical theories and equations, that towards the end of his life he began to believe in the concept of God. Personally, I have always felt that math/physics and religion/spirituality run on a parallel path right next to each other. Both reaching for the same comprehension of the world, but neither seeing the other. Someday, those two paths may actually cross or become apparent to more people in the world. There are some, like Amit Goswomi, a theoretical quantum physicist, who envision this type of idea. (I actually took two quantum physics courses taught by Dr. Goswomi as part of my master’s program at UPRS. That stuff will blow your mind and is not easy to keep up with when your highest math courses were the basics that got you out of college.)

I feel that this dream happened this way in order to grab my attention again. To remind me that I am still connected to the larger consciousness that has me subconsciously knowing that the symbol pi would be important for me to remember today, so that I could have a synchronistic moment between my dream and waking life. For days I have been focused on the desire to remember a dream so that I could reawaken my dreamwork side and blog. My dreams tend to slip away from my memory every morning when my child’s whine wakes me up from sleep. Then it is pop out of bed, although I try to do my prayers every morning first, and immediately attend to the needs of my child until nap time arrives. By then I cannot even grasp on to a fragment of my dream, and another day goes by without me writing or doing dreamwork.

Since the pi symbol represents the circumference of a circle, I am drawn to thinking about the image. A circle has so end and no beginning. The circumference is measured by drawing a line to dissect the circle in half. Well that image connects me to my thesis that I use to give presentations and workshops at IASD. That workshop is very much on my mind at this time since I am making preparations to head to Virginia this June to give my first 1 1/2 hour workshop at this conference. The image of a dissected circle is used in my PowerPoint to discuss Joseph Campbell’s theory on the “Monomyth”, in order to present the Tarot as a pictorial mythology that should be looked at as a circle in which there is really no end to the amount of times we may travel around and around in a spiral, hopefully ascending to a higher level spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. The pi number has no end, just as I view our cycle through this spiral of life, and it never repeats the sequence of numbers as life has so many mysteries awaiting at every turn.

The Hebrew symbol chai meaning life is important in Judaism. It reminds those of the Jewish faith to enjoy life and is often used in context of wishing for good things to come in the future. Here is to hoping that this dream was an omen of good fortune in my future, mostly in the reference to my career in dreamwork and teaching. So l’chaim!

Posted in Dreaming & Tarot | Tagged http://judaism.about.com/od/judaismbasics/g/chai.htm | Comments Off

Star Card Dreaming

Finding Comfort and Peace: Processing the Death of a Loved One

Synchronicity’s Chocolate

Dealing with Change

The Wounded Feminine

In the Muck of It

Tarot & Dreamwork

The Transformative Butterflies

The Organization of Me: Common Themes in Dreams

Renewal of Sacred Space

Pi Day?!

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