Tag Archives: Synchronistic Events

Finding Comfort and Peace: Processing the Death of a Loved One

“I would rather have died instantly than to have my family watch me go through this!” proclaimed Bud, a father in his 60’s ravaged by cancer.

“Coming from my experience, you are giving your family a gift by allowing them to process your death with you rather than disappearing one day, leaving words and issues unspoken and unresolved. Now they will be able to slowly let go and accept your death. It took me 10 years to process my father’s death when he died out of the blue. I would not wish that on anyone!” I proclaimed, fighting back the tears.

“Oh, I guess I never thought of it that way,” sighed Bud.

That one brief conversation was one of the most impactful things I said to him on our last visit together.

I knew as I drove up to see him, that it would be the last time that we would do so when he was alive. The cancer had spread so fast after his surgery that it was only a matter of time before it would take over all of his facilities, shutting down his body.

Knowing this, I asked him if I could do a Tarotpy Reading for him – something that he probably never would have been open to before he was facing his own mortality. His question to the cards was not about his own dying process, but rather whether or not his family would be okay after he died. In his layout he created a spot for each of his immediate family members: his wife and three daughters, along with a card for finances (not depicted below).

This layout does not depict all of the cards that where selected.
The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore. *This layout does not depict all of the cards that where selected.

Overall, Bud was able to see through the cards that his family would be okay, although it was clear that his wife would have much heartache to process after his departing.

The Dreamer's Journal Deck by Barbara Moore
The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore

I felt a relief come over him as we worked through the images, that it gave him a glimpse into the future – past the fear, past the worry, past the grief. That he could allow in some peace, that his family would recover.

Wanting his loved ones to also find some comfort, each one received a Journey Reading (smaller 2 card reading) to look into their own lives. His wife Chris, pulled one of the same cards as he did, creating a synchronistic moment that allowed her to feel connected to him and something bigger. The two daughters that were in town, their cards focused on their immediate situations in their lives.

In the end I left feeling so grateful to be there for them in their time of need, and that because of my life experience with death I could be of service in a way that was unexpected.

———~~~~~~———-

 

When I was young, the family on my mother’s side faced a huge divide shrinking my large family into just three of us. After that I learned to create the family that I wanted with impactful people that entered my life.

I met Deanna at the end of 5th grade. She was my neighbor and a year below me in school. She was shy and quiet, something that you would never in a million years guess if you met her today. We bonded quickly and decided that we were going to tell everyone that we were cousins. We spent every possible minute together from there on out with most of those years at her home, which is how I built a relationship with her father, Bud.

It had been many years since I had been to Sacramento, as life in Los Angeles consumed me as I aged. But that never changed my relationship with Deanna, Bud or the rest of the family. Bud had always treated me and even called me his daughter, along with telling me that he loved me.

When I found out he had passed, I was filled with grief and tears. Not only was he a father figure in my life, he passed away the weekend before Memorial Day – almost 20 years from when my father died (in 1995 after Memorial Day). I thought how synchronistic it was that out of all the months in the year, Bud died within weeks of the anniversary of my father’s death. As it was, Bud had already out lived the time that he was given by the doctor’s. He was a fighter all the way to the end.

Then I thought about our previous conversation of my experience with losing my father out of the blue verses losing my grandmother over time, and how it had impacted his thought process about his own death so much. To me, these were two synchronistic experiences around my father and him.

When I returned to be with them for the funeral, I had everyone pick a card as a divine message while I did a private reading with the last daughter. Bud’s wife, Chris, had become worried about finances in the wake of losing Bud, which had already been a concern for Bud before he died. In the mix of craziness of his departing, the herds of family/friends visiting, and putting together a celebration of his life, Chris still had a lingering concern over how the finances would all play out in the future. The message she received was thus: “Bright Future: Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine.”

Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.
Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

It continued by saying, “There are no tests, blocks or obstacles in your way, except your own projections of fear into your future” (Guidebook for the Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D., p. 73). A brightness and relief came back into her face, as she found solace in receiving this card.

With these beautiful images, words and moments, a family was able to find some comfort. If you or someone you know would like to find comfort in the process of losing a loved one or have a loved one who has passed on (whether human or animal), please contact me for an appointment so I too can help them find some peace.

Thank you to the family of Bud Gagner for allowing me to share this story. May this be an added memory to his life. xo

____________________

Athena Kolinski, M.A.

Intuitive Reader ~ Tarotpy Practitioner ~ Dreamworker ~ Professor  

Athena is a Religious Studies professor for the online bachelor’s program at University of Philosophical Research, where she attained her second master’s degree in Consciousness Studies. She also attended California State University, Northridge for her first M.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies (focus in Religious and Chicano Studies), and a B.A. in Religious Studies.  Athena is a certified Tarotpy Practitioner and New DreamWork Coach, as well as an active member of International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD).

Athena offers individual and group life guidance and dream interpretation sessions using the Tarot, Tarotpy and various dreamwork methods. In these sessions, she guides others to find answers towards their path using her intuitive/psychic abilities. She also blogs her dreams and interprets them using various methods with the Tarot. She has been a regular guest intuitive reader on “Your Life and Purpose Revealed” on Living Well Talk Radio Network, interviewed on the D-Spot by Kelly Sullivan Walden, and featured as a dream expert at the NewDreamwork Summit and NewDreamwork Day with David Dibble.

Contact Athena at: Starcarddreaming@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Synchronicity’s Chocolate

Every year I attend the International Association for the Study of Dreams conference, which holds a Dream Ball on the last night. This year it was held in Berkeley and I waited until the day before I left to solidify my costume for the Dream Ball. Although I had an idea as to what fragmented dreams it would include, I still felt that I needed a specific dream to share when called up to the stage for the costume judging. So I chose a dream that solely focused on a symbol that was shaped like an ice cream cone, that I drew in my journal. Above the dream I wrote “The Hanged Man” from the Tarot since the main aspect of the dream seemed to be related to that card. When I chose the dream I really thought it was from last year, between the annual conferences. Now I see that this dream was actually from two years ago, the day after my wedding anniversary. Below is the dream:

“Inversion” July, 17, 2012

I was in this restaurant and we (my best friend, others and I) were acting for this “reality show”. I was looking at this silver item/symbol that had a lipped edge, and was talking about how I always wished that I had the foundation symbolized in this image/item. I spoke about how it stood for a solid foundation of consistency and stability as a child. Then I went into this long analysis of it (none of which I remembered upon waking). At the end they (those in the room) said that I needed to relook at the symbol, because it was inverted for me. I had all those qualities/things in my life now – I had brought them as one unit/roof under me. The symbol represents all of the family/friends/experiences/etc – the pieces of me that I bring together as one in the memories I have with them. Together they are my roof, my solidified upside-down foundation.

Image from a dream called "Inversion" from July 17, 2012
Image from a dream called “Inversion” from July 17, 2012

The first day up in Berkeley, I reconnected with a friend of mine that I have not seen in four years. He and I became fast friends over rocks, crystals and deep spiritual conversations. In the course of the last year, he had been creating geometric sacred altars with beautiful stones in response to his higher calling. After seeing pictures of all the altars he made, I drew the symbol from my dream, although incorrectly, down on a scrap of paper to ask him the name/meaning of the shape . In order to ensure that he could see the angles on the shape, I circled them all. He instantly picked up the pen and wrote down “Kabbalah” and “Tree of Life”. Then mentioned that, “the tree has roots in heaven”. Immediately I told him the dream and explained that all of this time I had never realized what the symbol was shaped like.

Over the course of a few days, I began to put the pieces of my costume together. It was a mixture of fragment dreams on cut outs of puzzle pieces and copied images of Tarot and Dream deck cards that I had pulled for myself over the course of the year.  I also included an oversized image of the Wheel of Fortune (Oswald Wirth version) in the center of my body, as it was the Tarot card that I felt most related to the dream costume. I had felt as though I was the creature depicted in the card, as various pieces and parts of creatures that together did not flow as one (lion’s behind, spinx head, giant goddess boobs, angels wings and holding a sword). So I too wore a tail, wings, a crown, exposed cleavage and held a sword, along with the puzzle pieces and Tarot cards to visually show how I felt inside at this time in my life. Unsure as to whether or not I was going to share the “Inversion” dream, since it felt disconnected with the costume, I decided that if I were to share it then I would put the symbol on the back of the oversized Wheel of Fortune.

By Oswald Wirth
By Oswald Wirth

The next day I was drawn to a workshop that include the word Alchemy in the title, and attended it solely based on that one word. During my second master’s, I took an Alchemy course that focused on the Rosarium Philosophorum reliefs which honed my attention on the Major Arcana of the Tarot in a whole new way. That course, along with my introduction to Tarotpy, was a huge inspiration for my current work. With that said, in the second half of the workshop a large synchronistic moment took place as Dr. Ed Kellogg presented on how the Major Arcana of the Tarot fit into the Kabbalah. Although I have seen something similar to this before, his version made significantly more sense then others that I had seen by dividing the deck in half, instead of cramming all the cards into one tree. He also made reference to the movement of the Tarot going up and down, which connected the part of the dream that stated my foundation was the opposite of what most people have experienced. I mean wow, hard to be ignored – the dream, the costume, my thesis, my life’s work, all coming together in another’s vision. To be honest, I did not spent much time, if any, learning about the Kabbalah in relation to the Tarot. And here I am planning to turn my thesis into a book, getting ready to re-emerge myself into the research to do so, and an amazing avenue of information has opened up right in front of me.

The next day I cut out poster board and glued the dream shape on the back of the Wheel of Fortune card. That evening my roommates and I were running late to the costume contest and had the synchronistic fortune of running into Dr. Kellogg at the elevator. I said to him, “How synchronistic that you and I should run into each other as this costume represents the ‘beast’, as you would call it, in this card”, showing him the Wheel of Fortune image. He simply responded, “How synchronistic”.

For me, the “beast” at the top of the image of the wheel signifies the more surface or non integrated version of ourselves – which has very much been my life over the last year as a mom, a professor, a dreamworker and a Tarotpy practitioner. And in the last second before taking stage, I choose to refrain from sharing the symbol and instead focused on the piecemeal creature that is me.

Photographed by Richard Wilkerson
Photographed by Richard Wilkerson

A few days after I returned home, another synchronistic moment occurred. I blindly broke a piece of chocolate from the bar into the a close resemblance of the shape that I had drawn in my dream journal – again reminding me of the greater connection in life. Perhaps it was meant to influence me to continue on, through this lull in which I have questioned my actual purpose in life. Or perhaps it’s to remind me that there are bigger “plays” happening around me, ones that I am not aware. Whatever the case may be I knew that I had to share the sweetness of this overall synchronicity.