Finding Comfort and Peace: Processing the Death of a Loved One

“I would rather have died instantly than to have my family watch me go through this!” proclaimed Bud, a father in his 60’s ravaged by cancer.

“Coming from my experience, you are giving your family a gift by allowing them to process your death with you rather than disappearing one day, leaving words and issues unspoken and unresolved. Now they will be able to slowly let go and accept your death. It took me 10 years to process my father’s death when he died out of the blue. I would not wish that on anyone!” I proclaimed, fighting back the tears.

“Oh, I guess I never thought of it that way,” sighed Bud.

That one brief conversation was one of the most impactful things I said to him on our last visit together.

I knew as I drove up to see him, that it would be the last time that we would do so when he was alive. The cancer had spread so fast after his surgery that it was only a matter of time before it would take over all of his facilities, shutting down his body.

Knowing this, I asked him if I could do a Tarotpy Reading for him – something that he probably never would have been open to before he was facing his own mortality. His question to the cards was not about his own dying process, but rather whether or not his family would be okay after he died. In his layout he created a spot for each of his immediate family members: his wife and three daughters, along with a card for finances (not depicted below).

This layout does not depict all of the cards that where selected.
The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore. *This layout does not depict all of the cards that where selected.

Overall, Bud was able to see through the cards that his family would be okay, although it was clear that his wife would have much heartache to process after his departing.

The Dreamer's Journal Deck by Barbara Moore
The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore

I felt a relief come over him as we worked through the images, that it gave him a glimpse into the future – past the fear, past the worry, past the grief. That he could allow in some peace, that his family would recover.

Wanting his loved ones to also find some comfort, each one received a Journey Reading (smaller 2 card reading) to look into their own lives. His wife Chris, pulled one of the same cards as he did, creating a synchronistic moment that allowed her to feel connected to him and something bigger. The two daughters that were in town, their cards focused on their immediate situations in their lives.

In the end I left feeling so grateful to be there for them in their time of need, and that because of my life experience with death I could be of service in a way that was unexpected.

———~~~~~~———-

 

When I was young, the family on my mother’s side faced a huge divide shrinking my large family into just three of us. After that I learned to create the family that I wanted with impactful people that entered my life.

I met Deanna at the end of 5th grade. She was my neighbor and a year below me in school. She was shy and quiet, something that you would never in a million years guess if you met her today. We bonded quickly and decided that we were going to tell everyone that we were cousins. We spent every possible minute together from there on out with most of those years at her home, which is how I built a relationship with her father, Bud.

It had been many years since I had been to Sacramento, as life in Los Angeles consumed me as I aged. But that never changed my relationship with Deanna, Bud or the rest of the family. Bud had always treated me and even called me his daughter, along with telling me that he loved me.

When I found out he had passed, I was filled with grief and tears. Not only was he a father figure in my life, he passed away the weekend before Memorial Day – almost 20 years from when my father died (in 1995 after Memorial Day). I thought how synchronistic it was that out of all the months in the year, Bud died within weeks of the anniversary of my father’s death. As it was, Bud had already out lived the time that he was given by the doctor’s. He was a fighter all the way to the end.

Then I thought about our previous conversation of my experience with losing my father out of the blue verses losing my grandmother over time, and how it had impacted his thought process about his own death so much. To me, these were two synchronistic experiences around my father and him.

When I returned to be with them for the funeral, I had everyone pick a card as a divine message while I did a private reading with the last daughter. Bud’s wife, Chris, had become worried about finances in the wake of losing Bud, which had already been a concern for Bud before he died. In the mix of craziness of his departing, the herds of family/friends visiting, and putting together a celebration of his life, Chris still had a lingering concern over how the finances would all play out in the future. The message she received was thus: “Bright Future: Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine.”

Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.
Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

It continued by saying, “There are no tests, blocks or obstacles in your way, except your own projections of fear into your future” (Guidebook for the Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D., p. 73). A brightness and relief came back into her face, as she found solace in receiving this card.

With these beautiful images, words and moments, a family was able to find some comfort. If you or someone you know would like to find comfort in the process of losing a loved one or have a loved one who has passed on (whether human or animal), please contact me for an appointment so I too can help them find some peace.

Thank you to the family of Bud Gagner for allowing me to share this story. May this be an added memory to his life. xo

____________________

Athena Kolinski, M.A.

Intuitive Reader ~ Tarotpy Practitioner ~ Dreamworker ~ Professor  

Athena is a Religious Studies professor for the online bachelor’s program at University of Philosophical Research, where she attained her second master’s degree in Consciousness Studies. She also attended California State University, Northridge for her first M.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies (focus in Religious and Chicano Studies), and a B.A. in Religious Studies.  Athena is a certified Tarotpy Practitioner and New DreamWork Coach, as well as an active member of International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD).

Athena offers individual and group life guidance and dream interpretation sessions using the Tarot, Tarotpy and various dreamwork methods. In these sessions, she guides others to find answers towards their path using her intuitive/psychic abilities. She also blogs her dreams and interprets them using various methods with the Tarot. She has been a regular guest intuitive reader on “Your Life and Purpose Revealed” on Living Well Talk Radio Network, interviewed on the D-Spot by Kelly Sullivan Walden, and featured as a dream expert at the NewDreamwork Summit and NewDreamwork Day with David Dibble.

Contact Athena at: Starcarddreaming@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

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The Imperfection of a Parent

Being a parent is one of the most challenging things that I have ever done. At every turn there is a new stage or step to take towards raising this little human. As I walk through the thresholds of change, my personal struggles are brought forth to the surface – with my inner critic reminding me of my inadequacies, harping on my lack of perfection, and replaying the tape of my human insecurity that I am not good enough.

This inner critic, this strife for perfection and these tapes have stifled forward movement in the most important areas of my life. They have played out in the area of my true passion to be of service to others, they have led to arguments between my husband and I, and they have affected how I look at myself before and after the choices I make regarding our child.

For-All-Of-Us-Who-Think-Were-Not-Perfectionists

To top it all off, this internal chatter is hopping on the wheel-barrel of issues that are keeping me up at night, cutting off a major source of healing that my body so desperately needs to recuperate from stresses. It also hasn’t helped that my son  has been waking me up 2-3 times a night, so I find myself unable to return to my dreams as a flood of thoughts inundates my mind with worries and possible solutions to life’s complexities. All the while I try to ease myself with the fact that everything has always worked itself out, so I must keep the FAITH  and remember that tomorrow is a new day to try again to create balance in my life.

As I process all of this into written form, I think to myself how a few weeks ago I walked a friend through similar struggles regarding her furry child who has health issues. To me being a parent is taking responsibility for the life of another, whether human or otherwise; we are all just parents trying to do our best with how we raise and care for the ones we love. Seems like this is the time to remind myself of those reassuring words of wisdom that were shared.

~ No one is perfect. We are all going to give our children some sort of complex or some issue, within reason*, that they are going to have to work through in their lives – and that is okay! I believe that every child chooses their parents in order to learn whatever they need in this life as it contributes experience towards their karma or dharma, and in return you too are learning, growing and changing to meet the needs of your higher self. Children have this amazing way of bringing to light our imperfections, and that is a gift.

~ Life does not come with a book of directions. There is no book specifically made for you and your individual parenting situation that can give you all of the answers on how to make the “perfect” choices. We are all imperfect humans; therefore imperfect parents, doing the best we can with what knowledge, resources and intuitiveness we have at hand. Let me repeat that in a different way – YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!

~ Life is about trial and error. We were put on this earth to find and fulfill our higher calling, and with entry into this life also came the process of trial and error.  Each new day brings an opportunity to do things in a new and hopefully better manner than the day before. If you let your inner critic, perfectionist tendencies, anger or negativity get the best of you today, tomorrow you can be more mindful of what triggers you and try new techniques that will allow you to process it better.

I pulled this card several times as I really struggled with lack of sleep and anger at my child for it. Immediately when I saw the image, I saw me stomping angrily into my three year olds room and being someone I did not want to be.
I pulled this card several times as I really struggled with lack of sleep and anger at my child for it. Immediately when I saw the image, I saw me stomping angrily into my three year old’s room and being someone I did not want to be – so I worked to change it.

~ Awareness. Intention. Action. Become aware of the thoughts that are haunting you to be the “perfect” parent, or the comparisons with other parents, or the anger that keeps rearing its ugly head, or the negative tapes that are replaying in your mind, or the inner critic that tears you down.

Once there is awareness, then declare your intention to diminish its power over you. Think about solutions that will help you become proactive instead of reactive in the situations that arise. What can you tell yourself in order to counteract the negativity?

The most difficult part of this may be to take action, and to take action consistently. Every time you hear that tape, critic, anger, perfectionist full of negativity about to grasp on to you, utilize your plan of attack to tame it. Eventually, you will come to believe and live your new positive beliefs that you are using to replace the old.

Intuition arises when our mind is at peaceWorry blocks solutions, closes down creativity and deters intuition. Incessantly mulling over the problem, or holding on to guilt and anger, does not allow room for much else. That is when you need to stop and do something that eases your mind, like taking a walk, meditating, gardening, enjoying nature, etc. When we allow ourselves peace from the tapes, critic and negativity, we can tap into our deep inner creative wisdom to solve your problems.

Perfection

~ Accept imperfection as a part of you. The inner critic, perfectionism and anger all have a valid place in our lives as a small part of each of us. The problem is that we can allow them to take over, tear us down and hurt others around us. Thoughts only have real power over us when we view them in a negative way. You may acknowledge these pieces of yourself as they strive for self-improvement, but remind them that their messages need to be delivered in a supportive and healthy way. It is important to integrate all aspects of who we are, both the positive and the negative. By accepting ourselves as imperfect, we can more freely forgive our actions, thoughts and words that are of the lower vibration and replace them with thoughts, words and actions that stem from a higher, more mindful place.

~ Everyday be the very best YOU that YOU can be! Thus being the very best parent that you can be everyday, in whatever form that means for you – leaps & bounds or baby steps. Sometimes it helps to sit back and look at all that you have been through; all that you have overcome in your life. And from that place, find your strength to persevere.

Be Brave, Be Bold & Persevere.

– Athena Kolinski, M.A.

For additional support on your journey, check out the article by Carrie Jain on “From Paralysis to Paradise: 5 Steps to Making Peace with your Inner Perfectionist!

*Author’s Note: In no way am I condoning any physical, mental or emotional harm towards children. As humans, we should live with integrity and not affect anyone’s free will in a purposefully harmful way. However, keep in mind, “A train is only as useful as it’s track.” – Thomas the Train

____________________

Athena Kolinski, M.A.

Intuitive Reader ~ Tarotpy Practitioner ~ Dreamworker ~ Professor  

Athena is a Religious Studies professor for the online bachelor’s program at University of Philosophical Research, where she attained her second master’s degree in Consciousness Studies. She also attended California State University, Northridge for her first M.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies (focus in Religious and Chicano Studies), and a B.A. in Religious Studies.  Athena is a certified Tarotpy Practitioner and New DreamWork Coach, as well as an active member of International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD).

Athena offers individual and group life guidance and dream interpretation sessions using the Tarot, Tarotpy and various dreamwork methods. In these sessions, she guides others to find answers towards their path using her intuitive/psychic abilities. She also blogs her dreams and interprets them using various methods with the Tarot. She has been a regular guest intuitive reader on “Your Life and Purpose Revealed” on Living Well Talk Radio Network, interviewed on the D-Spot by Kelly Sullivan Walden, and featured as a dream expert at the NewDreamwork Summit and NewDreamwork Day with David Dibble.

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Synchronicity’s Chocolate

Every year I attend the International Association for the Study of Dreams conference, which holds a Dream Ball on the last night. This year it was held in Berkeley and I waited until the day before I left to solidify my costume for the Dream Ball. Although I had an idea as to what fragmented dreams it would include, I still felt that I needed a specific dream to share when called up to the stage for the costume judging. So I chose a dream that solely focused on a symbol that was shaped like an ice cream cone, that I drew in my journal. Above the dream I wrote “The Hanged Man” from the Tarot since the main aspect of the dream seemed to be related to that card. When I chose the dream I really thought it was from last year, between the annual conferences. Now I see that this dream was actually from two years ago, the day after my wedding anniversary. Below is the dream:

“Inversion” July, 17, 2012

I was in this restaurant and we (my best friend, others and I) were acting for this “reality show”. I was looking at this silver item/symbol that had a lipped edge, and was talking about how I always wished that I had the foundation symbolized in this image/item. I spoke about how it stood for a solid foundation of consistency and stability as a child. Then I went into this long analysis of it (none of which I remembered upon waking). At the end they (those in the room) said that I needed to relook at the symbol, because it was inverted for me. I had all those qualities/things in my life now – I had brought them as one unit/roof under me. The symbol represents all of the family/friends/experiences/etc – the pieces of me that I bring together as one in the memories I have with them. Together they are my roof, my solidified upside-down foundation.

Image from a dream called "Inversion" from July 17, 2012
Image from a dream called “Inversion” from July 17, 2012

The first day up in Berkeley, I reconnected with a friend of mine that I have not seen in four years. He and I became fast friends over rocks, crystals and deep spiritual conversations. In the course of the last year, he had been creating geometric sacred altars with beautiful stones in response to his higher calling. After seeing pictures of all the altars he made, I drew the symbol from my dream, although incorrectly, down on a scrap of paper to ask him the name/meaning of the shape . In order to ensure that he could see the angles on the shape, I circled them all. He instantly picked up the pen and wrote down “Kabbalah” and “Tree of Life”. Then mentioned that, “the tree has roots in heaven”. Immediately I told him the dream and explained that all of this time I had never realized what the symbol was shaped like.

Over the course of a few days, I began to put the pieces of my costume together. It was a mixture of fragment dreams on cut outs of puzzle pieces and copied images of Tarot and Dream deck cards that I had pulled for myself over the course of the year.  I also included an oversized image of the Wheel of Fortune (Oswald Wirth version) in the center of my body, as it was the Tarot card that I felt most related to the dream costume. I had felt as though I was the creature depicted in the card, as various pieces and parts of creatures that together did not flow as one (lion’s behind, spinx head, giant goddess boobs, angels wings and holding a sword). So I too wore a tail, wings, a crown, exposed cleavage and held a sword, along with the puzzle pieces and Tarot cards to visually show how I felt inside at this time in my life. Unsure as to whether or not I was going to share the “Inversion” dream, since it felt disconnected with the costume, I decided that if I were to share it then I would put the symbol on the back of the oversized Wheel of Fortune.

By Oswald Wirth
By Oswald Wirth

The next day I was drawn to a workshop that include the word Alchemy in the title, and attended it solely based on that one word. During my second master’s, I took an Alchemy course that focused on the Rosarium Philosophorum reliefs which honed my attention on the Major Arcana of the Tarot in a whole new way. That course, along with my introduction to Tarotpy, was a huge inspiration for my current work. With that said, in the second half of the workshop a large synchronistic moment took place as Dr. Ed Kellogg presented on how the Major Arcana of the Tarot fit into the Kabbalah. Although I have seen something similar to this before, his version made significantly more sense then others that I had seen by dividing the deck in half, instead of cramming all the cards into one tree. He also made reference to the movement of the Tarot going up and down, which connected the part of the dream that stated my foundation was the opposite of what most people have experienced. I mean wow, hard to be ignored – the dream, the costume, my thesis, my life’s work, all coming together in another’s vision. To be honest, I did not spent much time, if any, learning about the Kabbalah in relation to the Tarot. And here I am planning to turn my thesis into a book, getting ready to re-emerge myself into the research to do so, and an amazing avenue of information has opened up right in front of me.

The next day I cut out poster board and glued the dream shape on the back of the Wheel of Fortune card. That evening my roommates and I were running late to the costume contest and had the synchronistic fortune of running into Dr. Kellogg at the elevator. I said to him, “How synchronistic that you and I should run into each other as this costume represents the ‘beast’, as you would call it, in this card”, showing him the Wheel of Fortune image. He simply responded, “How synchronistic”.

For me, the “beast” at the top of the image of the wheel signifies the more surface or non integrated version of ourselves – which has very much been my life over the last year as a mom, a professor, a dreamworker and a Tarotpy practitioner. And in the last second before taking stage, I choose to refrain from sharing the symbol and instead focused on the piecemeal creature that is me.

Photographed by Richard Wilkerson
Photographed by Richard Wilkerson

A few days after I returned home, another synchronistic moment occurred. I blindly broke a piece of chocolate from the bar into the a close resemblance of the shape that I had drawn in my dream journal – again reminding me of the greater connection in life. Perhaps it was meant to influence me to continue on, through this lull in which I have questioned my actual purpose in life. Or perhaps it’s to remind me that there are bigger “plays” happening around me, ones that I am not aware. Whatever the case may be I knew that I had to share the sweetness of this overall synchronicity.

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Reflecting on April

As I alluded to last month in “THE TOWER OF SUDDEN CHANGE” (can’t you just hear the dark, creepy voice with booming thunder behind it), the  astrological events of April were looking to be a time of huge change for me. Well it was, but not the way I expected. I was really preparing for some outer event to shake up my life, leading to intense inner work – but that was not the case. Instead, it turned out be an inner realization that is affecting my outer life, requiring me to change much of the way I was doing things in relation to my career.

And even with the inner realization hitting me pretty hard, it was not nearly as bad as the realization in October/November during those crazy astrological influences (read “The Wounded Feminine”). Although April’s enlightenment was a very sudden deep emotional epiphany, I suppose it wasn’t as shocking as it could have been. The idea had been slowly seeping into my mind due to a couple of synchronistic conversations two days prior, allowing for the force of it to not be as dramatic.

Enlightenment
This is so true for the Tower Card.

The realization or ENLIGHTENMENT was thus – I have always worked to make others great, but have not focused on what I need to do to excel myself. Aha! Doesn’t seem that complicated, does it?!  Well when you are in it, you can’t see it, but others usually do. Sometimes the simplest idea, is the most powerful!

My life purpose is to be of service to others, and I have felt that way since I was a child. Over the years, I have dedicated much of my energy to helping others by giving them what they are lacking in their life and raise them up on various levels (emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, etc). Perhaps nothing that I can point out and say that I changed this persons life or became a benefactor for someone on the street, but I have given so much of myself energetically to many people over the years. I have done this in relationships, jobs, for bosses, for friends, for strangers, and for loved ones –  filling in the pieces of what others needed, working to improve their outlook, self, business and life. Some of the giving that I have done in my past has transformed itself into reciprocity towards me over the last few years, which has taught me humility, love and true friendship. Others, people and jobs, were bottomless pits of need, who I gave to until I was exhausted and sick (which are now out of my life or kept at a distance).

Now it is time to invest in the betterment of myself. And the kicker is that by doing this, I will actually be giving to others in an even bigger way then I have ever been able to do before. It is time for me to focus on excelling my career: meaning honoring the work that has come from my second thesis, making it the focus of my business, and  turning the thesis into a book. All of which will require a lot of dedication, research, and time from me. And as things change at home (like my two year old getting harder to go down for naps), I will have to find ways to circumnavigate situations as they arise. As part of this, I will need to modify the Life Guidance and Dream Interpretation readings to incorporate more of the “Mythology of the Major Arcana” – which is really what I do on Blogtalkradio.com (although that has not been made clear).

Perhaps because we are in the sign of Taurus (and that is my rising sign), I am feeling the need to test out some of my ideas with others. So, with that said, the first 6 people who read this and respond to me will get a SPECIAL discounted reading for $30. The session will be an hour reading in which I can test some new methods, and also provide a Tarotpy reading for either dreams or life guidance. Either way you get 60 minutes of looking into your life.

 

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Dealing with Change

Yesterday before the BlogTalkRadio show, I was shuffling my tarot decks in preparation when three cards flew out in this order- the Chariot, the Tower and the Moon.

Deck by Jonathan Dee
Deck by Jonathan Dee

The message was instantly clear and is key to dealing with change, both inner and outer, that is taking place for many of us who are feeling the weight of the times. The message is this:

First, their will be an unsettling feeling within that brings up emotions, even though you may present yourself as having it all together. It is not always easy to put your finger on what it is, and it can feel like pent up frustration, pit of the stomach feeling, anxiety, anger, resentment, etc. This is the “calling” for the need to change. This is all related to the Chariot.

Second, the realization will strike you putting your ego in check. Not only must we recognize our part in the this unresolved feeling/issue (whether we were acting it out consciously or unconsciously), we must watch as it tears down who we are – igniting the required change. If we are not responding to the need for change, life has a tendency to force it on us an outer experience that speeds things along. However, there will still be people that will resist change, not moving pas this point. This is all related to the Tower card.

Third, is the time to walk our talk – be the change that we want to see within us/within our world. It is a time of trials and tests to ensure that we have shed the old layers, allowing the new one to function in the world. It is a time to find balance within, between the opposites and extremes of life. We must protect the soft inner changes with our hard outer shell, ensuring that we do not let our old ways be triggered by our environment. This is all related to the Moon card.

Thus we are in the midst of the process of change that others are and will be facing this challenge (note: the Chariot card was pulled in at least 4 of the readings). So… PERSEVERE. Be STRONG. Be BRAVE. And FLOW with the change.

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The Tower of Sudden Change

By Oswald Wirth
By Oswald Wirth

Life provides information like pieces of a puzzle. We are handed one, two or a handful of pieces at a time but cannot make out the bigger picture with that which we hold. And when we notice their connection and can make out an image or portion of this puzzle, it is like a lightening shock within. That is what happened to me…

 On February 17th, I did a Life Guidance Tarotpy reading for myself after my home was broken into and my computer was stolen. I was feeling so frustrated and stuck, as it completely halted my progress with projects, and left me feeling extremely violated. The images of the cards in correlation with the positions that I created really reflected how I felt and my concerns at the time. I formed the layout of the cards in the shape of an arrow. At the top or tip of the arrow, I labeled position “moving forward”. Now since the other cards were more focused on the negative aspects of the break-in, I was hoping that this particular placement would give me inspiration in the midst of all that had occurred.

IMG_2096
Excuse the scribbles, just check out the shape of the arrow.

Instead, it gave me rise to concern. I pulled the Tower card– the one freaking card in the deck that no one wants to select. Forget the concern over the Death card, the Tower card indicates sudden forced change that usually is experience as both an outer and inner life event. It is the card that shakes up your world and tears down old patterns, ego and beliefs – forcing you to rebuild from a new perspective. The outer life event that usually occurs with it, really shocks you (as shown in the lightening/fire blasting the tower). We all have to experience this type of upheaval to speed up change in our lives, but when we are in the process – it can be unpleasant. Basically, I knew that the Tower card or sudden forced change was in my future, just was not sure of when.

On March 3, I got my very first Astrology chart reading that was amazing, with so much information that I had to take notes. Towards the end of the reading, I was given dates of when big changes took place in the past, as well as dates for big changes in the future. The Astrologer gave me the date of April 14th, 2014 as a time for huge forced changes. Next to the date I made an arrow and wrote, “moving forward”.

Again, just notice the arrow after “April 14th” and “Huge Change”. The circle and words Tower Card were added after the realization.

On March 19, and like every third Wednesday of the month now, I do Tarot readings on a Blogtalkradio.com show. For the readings, I use a two-card pull from the Major Arcana to read where someone is in their individuation process. For the readings I shuffle the cards between each person and lay the cards facing downward. When they come on the air and say their name, I blindly select a card for them by moving it a half inch up from the other cards that are spread out (but do not look at the card). When it’s my turn to read I ask the caller to select a card by telling me when to stop as I float my hand above the deck.  Out of the 7 readings that we did that day, the Tower card was pulled 5 times ! That is clearly more than chance on the probability scale considering there are 22 cards in the Major Arcana and a total of 14 cards (2 per person) were pulled. On the last call, both the caller and I pulled the same card, the Tower Card. It was clear from the reading and conversation that she was deep in the zone of the Tower, with the likelihood of more to come (Click here to listen to the show). After the third pull of the Tower card, I felt compelled to mention that April would be a huge month astrologically for change and this card may be alluding to the effects it will have on those callers received it.

On April 1st, I put all of these pieces of this puzzle together! I just happened to look through my notes from the Astrology Chart reading and the Tarotpy session when the realization hit me. I subconsciously wrote the phrase “moving forward” right next to the date when the huge change is supposed to be at its pinnacle for me. I also just happened to use the arrow formation for the Tarotpy session and as part of my astrological chart notes, placing the same phrase “moving forward” at the tip of the arrow.  All of this combined with the caller’s readings, reminded me that many people all over the country/world are also feeling or going to be feeling the impact of the Tower card in their lives.

In an effort to prepare myself for the month ahead, I did another Life Guidance Tarotpy reading. In this formation I chose 5 cards, placing me at the center and 4 cards around me in a square (like the domino five). Two cards in particular caught my attention (no, I did not get the Tower card in this new reading, rather I created a space called the unexpected to honor it).

Dante Tarot
Dante Tarot

In the position that I labeled as “me” I got the Emperor, and the position I labeled as “unexpected” I got the card Principalities (from the Dante Tarot aka the World card in traditional decks). In the Principalities card, I noticed how the pathway was open to the divine knowledge, by two guards holding a shield with a giant red cross on it. It hit me that this card could be referring to the Cardinal Grand Cross as a time that will open up my connection to the divine and my divine purpose, which was mentioned by the astrologer. She stated that the lunar eclipse will push me towards my higher purpose.

Oswald Wirth Tarot
Oswald Wirth Tarot

Then I looked to the Emperor card from the Oswald Wirth deck. The Emperor is wearing armor with a sun on his right breast and the moon on his left breast, holding an orb with a cross at the top RIGHT BETWEEN the sun and the moon. This month we are going to experience a lunar eclipse (actually on April 15th) followed by the Grand Cardinal Cross (April 20th) and then a solar eclipse (April 29th). Thus I will bear the changes to come, whatever they might be. Note that this particular depiction of the Emperor is NOT on most decks, and I used three different decks for the whole layout. (Ah, synchronicity… an experience and sign of interconnectedness.)

These huge astrological events that are coming up this month are going to happen in such a short period of time. The energy from these astrological events is not only going to be effect me, its going to effect the world and the people in various ways. Taking notice of these four separate synchronistic events in my life, have revealed a bigger image on the puzzle. My Tower card of sudden change will be taking place with inner and outer events coming up this month, along with many others who are or will feel its impact. It is not something that I or anyone can control or even really prepare for. We just need to be open and flow with the changes as they come. In the end all of the experiences will change me (and you if you choose) for the better, opening up the pathway towards my higher purpose of service to others.

“Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see it.”  – Carl Jung

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The Wounded Feminine

Sacred Feminine

I am angry… I am angry that my innocence was taken away from me, thus warping my experience and understanding of sexuality. I am angry that the wounding is still affecting me to this day even after the therapy as a child and all the layers that I have healed from over the years — and that it has reared its ugly head AGAIN through a dream! I am angry that in the moment of that tragic event my beautiful, happy childhood memories were cut off along with those dark ones. I am angry that my husband has to endure a wound that was placed upon me as a child, fragmenting me and my image of what it means to be a woman. But what I am most angry about is that at the tender age of 9, I did not speak up to stop the attrocity  — that I hid inside my imaginative world to avoid the unwanted sexual advances taking place on my physical body. And I am angry that this scenerio has happened to thousands of women all over the world and through out many lifetimes. When is enough, enough?!

I am standing up now and saying NO, you do not get to do that to me or any child or woman for that matter. It is not okay to wound someone so deep that they have to continually face it in their life through the sexual hangups; creating the extremes within of maiden or mother, and nun or whore. Making me feel shame about my own sexuality, because it happened to me by my own family member. Thus causing arguments in my family, dividing our family into those who supported me and those who supported him. Let’s not even forget how I was not believed after it happened. I ran from the house just as soon as I could to get help from the neighbor. That neighbor, among the other women who entered the room, did not believe me except for my mother. Then the police and doctors repeatively inquired about my story, drilling me with questions. In their lack of belief of the events that took place, that it was only a molestation and not a rape, they forced me to have a pelvic exam. I kept telling them that he did not have sex with me, yet they continued to examine me. I was not heard… I was not believed. And somewhere deep inside I have taken those insensitivies and judgements outwardly placed upon me and turned them inward on myself. I have not let myself be heard, telling myself I do not have anything worthy to say. I have not believed my abilities, thus refraining from speaking from or for them.

This wounding in me that happened in this lifetime reflects the wounding that has happened through my ancestral line and throughout the world. This wounding comes from the long line of my family members who experienced sexual, physical and verbal abuse in their lives. Followed by the line of my ancestors – the women who were told to remain quiet about what had happen to them, to lie in order to not shame their families, to remain unseen and unheard in the world. Why is this okay?! It is not okay… IT IS NOT OKAY!

It is time to heal the wounds of the feminine, not only as an individual story, but the story of women all over the world from the past, present and future. It is time to speak up, say no, be heard. Let’s heal the feminine within and without. This is not a gender issue, we all possess the feminine within us and in our world. The wounded feminine is injured at various levels within all of us. It is in the perception of our mother’s, the way we raise our daughter’s, the way we raise our son’s to treat women, it is the way our father’s or father figure’s treated our mother’s. All of this has had an impact on our perception and experience of the feminine.

This wound was brought out through a dream. A dream that I just had the other day, that was connected to a series of dreams  — so incredibly powerful and so incredibly revealing. It started a month ago, when the first dream came to me about the need to heal my family and ancestry. In the dream a powerful crystalize form picked me up from my neck and held my throat so tightly that I could hardly speak. Then this dream figure showed up again on a Tarot card (from the OH deck) in which the outer layer or frame said “Powerplay” and the inner image was of a woman with a grey-ish hand covering her mouth. In that instant I knew those cards were connected with my dream, and it sent me back to that physical feeling of that entity gripping my throat. Waves of emotion poured over me as I sat with several amazing women who all unintentionally spoke of the wounded feminine in some form or another. It was coming to them through dreams, through the cards, through their daily life.

Then the big dream came the day after the gathering, that ripped this wound wide open. The dream sent me back into that feeling as a child, shutting up and methodically planning how I was going to escape from the situation as soon as possible. But in this dream, rather than the real life awake situation, I stopped the physical advances that were made. I pushed it off of me, ran out the room and slammed the bottom half of the two-piece door. I then yelled back into to the room that it was disgusting that they should ever think it was acceptable to do something like that to someone, let alone their own family member. And as I was yelling this into the room I stated that I was 21, which is considered a born-in-date in the Dibble dreamwork interpretation method. When you have a born-in-date in your dream you subtract it from your current age, which puts me at the age of 13. When I was 13, I stood up for myself when I was in a very unhealthy environment surrounded by drugs, domestic abuse and severe negativity. That moment in time was the catalyst for me to leave what was my home and three months later move to Los Angeles. That was one of the hardest things I did for myself and it was reflected in my dream. It was a point in my childhood where I stood up to voice what was wrong, and protected myself from the damage that was to come. The dream reminded me that as a child, I can and did voice my concerns in order to protect myself! Perhaps in a way my 9 year old self was able to live through my 13 year old self in those protesting words and angry demeanor.

And that is why I am writing about this now, to address my long standing anger that has been hidden away in the depths of my soul preventing me from being my true self.  I did not truly voice my anger when I was 9 and could not have known then that by not expressing my anger how it would affected me today. I no longer want to be ashamed to be a sexual woman. I no longer want to be afraid to speak my truth. So this is me exposing my wound, in hopes that this time it will completely heal. And in doing so, I hope that others can heal that piece of their wounded feminine that exist within them as well, thus healing the feminine without.

“As above, so below. As within, so without.” – Originated by Hermes Trimegistus

Changes

The Resilient

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In the Muck of It


The more that you do dreamwork, the more you start to see connections from other dreams and issues in your life. If you have been following my earlier dreams, you may begin to see connections giving insight more into my interior world. In sharing these dreams on this blog, my hope is that you will gain insight into how you can interpret your own dreams and utilize the tarot to penetrate deeper layers of your dream and psyche. Dreams are quite revealing, which is why I suggest doing dreamwork with a small group of people that you feel safe with to share your personal life details that are reflected in your dreams. 

When recording a dream it is import to jot down all the small details, too. Sometimes those can be clues into various layers of the dream. But be sure not to over do it with to many details, or you may miss out on what is really important. Find the balance, especially when doing dreamwork in groups. Those details could be important to you but throw off the others from following along with your dream. In this blog, you will see that I try to paint a picture so that others reading or listening can visual my dream. There is a lot of details that I could analyze; However, for the sake of writing too much, I focused on the details that stood out to me the most. In group dreamwork, those details may really resonate with someone else who might be able to provide a whole new layer. As you read this, feel free to comment on any detail that resonates with you in regards to my dream. I could always use additional aspects!

 

Dream July 20, 2013:

At first I was in a square room that looked like a old Vegas hotel room. The indigo carpet went about three inches up the side of the wall from the floor, which then turned into an intricate pattern of burgundy and cream. The room was infested with houseflies in their cocoon state before hatching into actual flies. They were everywhere, under everything – the bed, the mattress. I’m trying to vacuum them and sweep them up to get rid of them. Then I started spraying them with my non-toxic cleaner, hoping to kill them before they hatched. They are consolidated into one half of the room, which is the half that I am spraying. The spray has caused them to expand and explode like thin clear balloons. Some of the catepillar (maggots) had turned into the cocoon’s which had three infant flies in it, and as it’s body or casing expanded the younglings were trying to hatch out. I was frantically trying to kill them before they were released, and pop the expanding bodies with the broom so that they were small enough to vacuum up. My husband comes over to me and suggest that we just leave and clean it up later. He then opens the door near the corner that was most infested to walk out the door. I then overhear a group of three college aged men sitting on a couch talking about how the flies had infested their house too. I stopped to converse with these men about the flies, and my husband continued out and closed the door. The guys asked how I was dealing with the infestation. I told them it was important to kill the flies so that they couldn’t lay anymore eggs – stopping and preventing the cycle. This whole time I am completely grossed out by this situation and trying to stop people from seeing what is going on by sending them back out the door from which they came. This door was located on the non-infested side of the room, different door from which my husband left. In the center of the room was a list of people’s names. This one man, reminiscent of my father, was supposed to come to the location. He wanted to attend the gathering being held in the building that adjacent from this one, but he was too concerned about spending money. I was told by another man that every time he goes out he ends up spending $30,000 here and $30,000 there – adding up to $60,000 in one night. So the guy on the list choose not to come, even though I felt he really wanted to be there.

The room then turns into a square pond/pool, and it is located outside. I am in the pond/pool now with a net and broom scooping and sweeping out the bugs and muck. The water on the side of where the infestation was, is now a beautiful sapphire color. The other side that was not infested with flies has now turned into mucky water with brown-orange algae growing, especially in the corner where I had sent people out. I am going in a counter-clockwise direction to clean it. In the dirtiest corner where the algae was mostly setting atop of the water, I was sweeping the algae out of the pool. I continued in the counter-clockwise direction as I cleaned. There was a woman in the pool on the clean sapphire side and I had overheard her daughter telling her that she really wanted a parrot. I saw the woman leave from the corner of my eye and then come back into the water holding a white parrot. She looked so happy to be able to give it to her daughter. As I was cleaning around them, trying not to scare the bird, I remarked to the woman in a joking manner – “you know parrots live forever, right?!” Then I continue in the counter-clockwise manner cleaning the pool, thinking about how dirty it is and how I can make it better.

 

Initial Analysis:

In dreams, be sure to always go with your first instinct or gut feeling on what something means, then build out from there. Start with the things from the dream that stand out to you the most. You will be amazed by how the dream will unfold and lead you into other meaningful tangents.

This dream immediately made me think of the dream “Renewal of Sacred Space”, in which the water was toxic and green, stored up in a deep rectangle-shaped cement hole in the basement of a house. When the water was released it was cleansed and renewed by its flow into a clay round pond – that changed the color to turquoise. However, in this dream the pond had both clean blue water and cloudy algae water in it, and it is clearly a square shape. The square shape represents completion, although in the dream, I do not feel like leaving with my husband (i.e. I don’t feel like its complete). I am bound and determined to clean it up before I leave. I could have left with my husband and walked out the door, but I wanted to end the cycle of the flies. Since this dream took place of the eve of the end of Mercury Retrograde, it seems like to me this is all about ending a past cycle that I refuse to let repeat again. I am the one that has to cleanse the situation. The beginning of Mercury Retrograde brought my ex back into my life – AGAIN – for another round of drama! But this time, I am determined to emotionally un-attach from the rollercoaster that he oh so loves to bring me on. I do not want to continue this cycle of yearly legal battles. While I may not be able to clean up the last loose end, I can let go of the hurt and wounds that he continually rips the healing scabs off of.

Water usually represents emotions, and I need to be in the emotions of this situation – to feel it, to do the physical work, to change it. And clean out the side of the emotions that is full of muck. I did so by removing the algae from the pool on the same side that I turned people back out the door. I feel like that is representative of getting rid of the people and the stagnant water that I don’t need in my life. Although, I was turning away the people because I did not want them to be in the way of my cleaning, and partly because I did not want them to see the grossness of the situation with the flies. This muck is the issues and people that I am dealing with emotionally, still trying to let go of those ties. I have really been working on letting myself process all of the emotions that I feel towards my ex and people around that situation, so that I can finally heal even while possibly being in the middle of another legal proceeding.

The cleaning of the pool in a counter-clockwise manner reminds me of clocks turning back in time, i.e. going back into the past. That is exactly what I have been doing in terms of the emotions that have been coming up with ex. I need to go back into those feelings and completely heal them by actually processing them instead of boxing them away. Prior to the dream (during Mercury Retrograde) I have been doing cathartic physical activities to deal with all of the emotions from the past, just like the dream showed by the sweeping, vacuuming, and sifting. However, I still had a sense that the muckiness in the pond was beyond my control, in that I could only clean it so much. The murkiness on the one side of the pond could not be cleaned with any of the tools that I had on hand. However, in the same pond the other half was crystal clear sapphire blue. The waters did not have anything separating the two, they just were divided yet coexisting in the same space. Perhaps that is alot like me and the emotions that I have separated from my current life. The clear blue side was the same side that my husband exited from. I feel that the clear blue side represents the happiness, clarity and beauty of the life I currently have. Whereas, the cloudy side is the old life that I had and the murky, stagnant, and unhealthy side that I have separated with. One side is not affecting the other, but they both exist emotionally within me.

The mother and father figures also stand out to me in this dream. I relate to the mother wanting to give her daughter what her heart desires, while also relating to the father figure that is so concerned about spending to much money in that he choses to miss out on what his heart really desires. I feel the conflicting thoughts and sides of myself in regards to our current finances. This is reflecting the logical masculine side and the nurturing feminine side that is always trying to find a balance within us. The white parrot in particular makes me recall a dream a few years ago about the cockatoo from my work, that I love so very much, turning into a water bottle. The details about that dream are rather fuzzy, so I went looking through my dream journal and dream stuff for it. Instead I found some remote writings that a psychic wrote on my ex several years ago (here is another example of one direction of thought, searching for a earlier recorded dream, led me to something else relevant for this dream). It discusses him being energetically tied to me and that only a judge could end our karmic tie. A judge could easily end this third round, thereby ending all reasons to attempt to sue me.

On another level, like “Renewal of Sacred Space”, this dream is also referencing what I ate and drank the night before the dream. My celebratory night included unhealthy choices that make my body feel gross and polluted – shown by the mucky water. My subconscious is again making me aware of how those types of nights affect my body.

 

 

Tarot:

This drawing of the tarot cards was different than what I normally do. For this dream, I attempted to just pick one card, but I felt the need for two in a very peculiar way. When gliding my hand over the spread deck, I felt this magnetizing feel as if two cards next to each other were polar opposite and pushing away from each other. So I grabbed them both. As synchronicity would have it, the physical feeling that I got was exactly what the cards revealed.

No subcategories, attempted to select one card but ended up with two

Chosen deck: “The Dreamer’s Journal” by Barbara Moore

Question: What do I do?

"In the Muck of it" spread

 

Tarot Analysis:

Before looking into each individual card, it is always good to try to get an overall understanding of the spread. What do they have in common? How does the spread speak to the question? Normally I do not look at the guidebook for the tarot cards until after I have analyzed the imagery. Since I did not pick sub-categories to the question, I needed a bit of help to get me going in direction to such a vague question as “what do I do”.  Also from the looks of the cards, I was having trouble identifying the mood of each card. 

It seems ironic that the card with the most green and picturesque background (5 of Cups), is a card of sadness and loss, while the card with a more dreary background is about wish fulfillment and happiness (9 of Cups). Talk about quite a contrast, which is exactly what I was feeling when selecting them; it was like two magnets pushing away from each other. These two cards very much represent the two sides that existed in the room and pool in my dream – polar opposites. It is interesting to note that the dirty side switched from one side to the other when the dream shifted from a room to a pond/pool. Much in the same way that these two cards have aspects of their opposite (the backgrounds not really matching the mood of the figure). Also, both cards are cups which are generally about love.

 

5 of Cups

In the 5 of Cups, the girl is reflecting upon a loss. She has her back turned upon the two cups standing upright, and gazes towards the three that have fallen and spilled. The three fallen cups instantly make me connect to the fact that this will be the third time my ex is attempting to sue me. My sadness does come from that direction because it makes me think about how I could have ever chosen a man to be in my life that is so out to hurt me. I have given him an alternative option to going to court that is very fair to both of us, yet instead he seeks to make a mess (spilled cup reference) through legal action. What makes me the most sad is that someone who once truly loved you, as you did them, can continually treat their once beloved in such a way. Its absolutely disgusting to me! AHA, there is the flies portion and feeling such disgust at the situation. And that is a big part of what I need to let go. It has been almost 7 years – this is how he is always going to be to me and I need to freaking accept it! Honestly, this is the last thing that he can try to take to court. It is the third cup emptying on the ground, the other two matters have already been left behind and settled (i.e. the two upright cups). I suppose that in this disgust, there is also some guilt for choosing such a person who would treat me like this. Guilt can be a huge waste of emotion, since you cannot change what you have done. It is what it is. Instead, it should just be turned into a lesson that can be used in the future. However, I am not quite sure what that lesson is at this time.

Once the figure in the card does completely turn her back on the remaining cups, she has such a bright and beautiful journey ahead. I think secretly, I’ve always felt like this BS has been holding me back energetically. I need to energetically cut the ties by letting go of the past emotions, past life connections and current concern over his ensuing need to take me to court. The truth is that everything will be fine, whatever happens, he cannot take away my happiness and beautiful future. Every time we have gone to court, it has ended exactly as I said it would – in a fair way that could have been solved simply between the two of us.

One of the books that I use to give me more insight into the cards, especially minor arcana, states “In Relationships this card indicates a crisis that comes from the mistakes of the past polluting the moments of the present. You should ensure that you are seeing the present moment for what it is rather than basing it on your previous experience (Around the Tarot in 78 Days by Katz & Goodwinn).” Well that fits right along with the mucky water, and the change of one-side being dirty to the other side. My past is muddying up my present view on this situation. Perhaps my ex has a new motive for pushing this forward, like his new family or true desire to have all ties cut between he and I. Let me tell you, there is nothing more that I would love than to severel all our contractual ties, but it is simply out of my control at this point. And as soon as I can change that – I will! What I can do is cut our energetic ties, let go and don’t look back.

9 of Cups

The 9 of Cups represents my new life, whereas the 5 of Cups represents my old life with my ex. This card is called the “wish card” and speaks of feeling as if all of one’s dreams have come true. I really do feel this way. I have a beautiful family, wonderful friends, a promising future with two amazing careers, and feel so incredibly blessed for everything in my life (except for drama with the ex). These last several years have really shown me that things always work out the way it is supposed to and I feel very supported by the Universe – it has always taken care of me. Even in the midst of financial struggles, I have really come to see what is important and only ever wished for happiness. And through it all, happiness is exactly what I found!

On the flip-side of the coin for this card Around the Tarot in 78 Days by Katz & Goodwinn states that “In Spiritual Awareness & Self Development this card indicates a need to connect with one’s emotional past. It often signifies the potential for stagnation which requires a new impetus to break free.” The card is again directly connecting with my dream, by using the word stagnation. Ponds turn mucky due to stagnation, and the water is connected with my emotions in which I am going counter-clockwise (back in to my past) to deal with. Well an impetus is a force or energy that causes something to move. In the dream I am doing the work (moving to clean), which I have also being doing in waking life in order to cleanse the situation. In my dream I felt that I could not completely clean the muckiness in the water, that some aspect of it was beyond my ability. And in regards to this legal situation, there is much that is out of my hands. Perhaps the answer now is to get out of the water/emotions and head through the door that my husband exited through, leaving behind my past so that I can be like the 5 of Cups on her promising journey.

So what is the answer to the question “What do I do?”. Simply stated I need to let go and never look back. Over the past month and a half, I have done a lot of reflection, worked through emotions, worked this dream and even physically removed a tree all the way down to its roots because it was a symbolic wedding gift to my ex and I. In this last layer of letting go the pain, hurt and sadness brought upon by years of legal battles and bullying, I will now turn around and focus on my blessed life of happiness, love and the beautiful journey ahead!

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Tarot & Dreamwork

Athena Kolinski

 

How to use the Tarot in Dreamwork…

The Tarot has really enhanced dreamwork for me, especially when interpreting my own dreams. It is as if someone else is there in the cards, providing deeper insight into the dream – especially aspects that are difficult to interpret.

The beauty of the Tarot is that it is a pictorial mythology that represents the human journey through life. The Major Arcana of the Tarot (the first 22 cards of the Tarot deck) represent several of the universal archetypal events, figures and motifs. It not only contains the archetypes, but as a pictorial mythology its artwork is rich with multiple layers of symbolism.

Dreams are like short myths that we have each night, allowing us to be a character on a meaningful journey. Dreams too are packed full of symbols, archetypes and universal wisdom. Both dreams and the Tarot hold potent messages for maturation, individuation, and personal and planetary evolution.

By using the Tarot to interpret dreams, one is able to connect with the source of wisdom in waking life. The Tarot allows for the subconscious to continue communication with the dreamer in an awakened state through imagery, symbolism, synchronicity and the significance of the cards. Thus it can deepen your dream analysis by providing an alternative way of communicating the message.

The best thing is you DO NOT have to know the meaning of the cards in order to do dreamwork! With that said, the more familiar you become with the Tarot, the more that you can see how the universal archetypes are showing up in your dreams. You may even be able to chart where you are in your journey through the cycle of the cards.

The Tarotpy method is my method of choice. It allows the dreamer to create a layout that is personal to their dream, and puts the cards in the hands of the dreamer. Thus it increases the chance for synchronicity between your dreams and your life, putting the answers in your hands.

Try it. Pull out that old deck of Tarot, dream or soul cards that you have had in your closet for years, and try something new! Take a dream, whether you have already been working it or not, and think about a question you have about it. Once you have the question in mind, select the amount of cards it will take to answer it. Be sure to take the first number that pops into your mind.

On a sheet of paper, draw a layout of how you want the cards to be displayed based on the number you selected. Then name or subcategorize, in reference to the overall question, each card placement on the layout. These subcategories could be dream figures, symbols, acts, etc. They could also be open-ended questions directly related to the overall question that you are posing to the cards.

Layout Example

Begin shuffling your deck, reviewing the dream in your mind and the question that you have about your dream. BLINDLY select one card at a time keeping in mind the subcategory when choosing and place it facing down in the same layout design that you have created. You may use more than one deck in your layout. Once all the cards have been laid down, turn them over.

First look to see if there is a common theme to the cards based on figures, colors, feeling, etc. What does that say to you? There are NO WRONG ANSWERS – there is no wrong way to interpret this! Take notes along the way, so that you can keep this analysis with your recorded dream. Next chose which card you want to start with first and analyze its imagery based on the subcategory and overall question. What answer does it suggest? Refrain from using the deck’s guide on the meaning of the cards until after you have worked through the imagery, so that you can experience each card with an open mind. After going through each card like this, ask yourself how all of the cards in the layout answer the overall question.

This method can be even more powerful with at least one other person reading the imagery with you – and helpful when you are stumped by a card itself. When doing any kind of group work, remember to let the dreamer give their interpretation first and then the others can offer suggestions to the card’s meaning. In the end it empowers the dreamer to decide what the dream means and they learn how to use a tool to work their dreams anytime.

A lot of people ask me how to choose a deck. The answer is: choose whatever deck, whether soul, dream or tarot, that resonates with you. Heck, choose several! Having multiple decks can give you the advantage of selecting a deck that resembles the dream or the feeling of your day, as well as allowing you to use multiple decks in one layout. Buying decks that have artwork on every card tends to work smoother with this type of method of reading the imagery. However, if you prefer to use the more traditional Tarot decks for dreamwork, you can set aside the Minor Arcana that tends to only have pictures of staffs, swords, pentacles and cups, and just use the cards of the Major Arcana for the reading.

If you would like to schedule a dream analysis using the Tarot, email me at starcarddreaming@gmail.com.

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The Transformative Butterflies

Butterflies cut from a single sheet of many colors.
Butterflies cut from a single sheet of many colors.

Dream:

 In my dream Star Card Dreaming/Consulting had manifested into a store like business. I was talking to a friend of mine about how it had changed since its conception, and did so by flowing with the needs of the patrons. As people were requesting specific aspects of what I did, the company naturally changed towards fulfilling those needs. Then I heard that same friend retelling the story to one of her friends, and in it she added a whole other layer to the story from her perspective, thus allowing me to gain more insight into what it had become. As the story continued to be shared, other layers were added to it, showing itself as die-cut patterns of a butterfly on various shades of colored paper. Those die-cut butterfly patterns were laid out, fanned out with one on top of the other, visually displaying all of the layers of organic transformation that had occurred.

 

Initial Analysis:

It has always been a dream of mine to open up a spiritual bookstore for classes, readings and a center for community. I would love it if this work one day takes me into that direction. It has always felt to me that my work would need an organic growth of clients, students and followers. My goal is to empower people by providing the tools they need to be self sufficient in communicating with their higher selves. That is why tarot is so amazing, because everyone can utilize it to gain introspection on themselves and their lives. Tarot has been coveted for years by readers or mediums, who rarely even let you have the opportunity to touch their decks and are the only ones who can give you the messages that they share. Through the method of Tarotpy, the cards are not controlled by interpretations based on a book or a single perspective of the reader, they are revealed through your own intuition. Look, readers or mediums can and do have valid insight, especially when they have studied and read many people – because you start to get a deeper understanding of the specific cards and layouts that those without experience do not have. However, placing the power in the hands of the people who are seeking the answers leads to deeper, more meaningful and synchronistic experiences than someone else telling you who you are and where you are going. My hope in doing all of this (the blog, the workshops, the social media) is that I can guide people who will then share their experience, which will lead my company’s growth and transformation in whatever direction that it is meant to be heading.

 The butterfly symbolizes transformation and spirit, but it comes in an interesting form through the die-cut pattern on the paper. Meaning that the pattern has already been created so that each time it cuts through the paper, the pattern is exactly the same. But what makes the pattern different is the colors and the shades of colors that are chosen to be cut into. So in a way, I already have the pattern created through the work I have been doing for the past several years. The groundwork has been done with the research, the thesis, presentations and now workshops. The mold has been created; it is solid enough to be replicated. Now it is about the versions that I choose to use (or colors of paper) to cut the patterns into. Honestly, the workshop that I will be doing for the very first time in Virginia (which is where I am right now writing this) is just another version of the same thing that I have been doing with a slight variance by actually walking the audience through how dream analysis can be done with the tarot.

 

Tarot:

 Intuited card pull: 3

Chosen Decks: Marseille Deck and The Dreamer’s Journal Deck by Barbara Moore

Question: How do manifest my dream into reality?

Sub-Categories from left to right: How do I get there?, What is my destiny with this business?, Next Step?

Chosen Layout: three all in a horizontal row

 

Question: How do I transform my dream into reality?
Question: How do I transform my dream into reality?

 

Tarot Analysis:

Subcategory: Next Step?
Subcategory: Next Step?

The first thing that jumped out to me is the Fool card from the Marseille deck that is in the sub-category of what is my next step. Of course that is the card that I would get! Ha! One must be like the Fool and take on the adventure without knowing the exactly where they are going. The Fool just wants to get out and go because he feels a calling deep within that he cannot ignore. Through the trials and tribulations one grows from the experience and serendipitously ends up where they truly belong. And in making the journey I will have to expose myself to humility, as the Fool’s butt cheek has been exposed (although he is completely unaware of it). I will just have to keep heading in the direction of the unknown, letting my goal of finding what it is that I’m looking for be my guide, in whatever forms it may come. I always see the dog as the natural instinct of survival that has to be left behind in order to evolve into a life that requires a higher level of living. One that does not react to the moment in fight or flight and must muscle its way to be the pack leader. As humans we have created ways of life that has allowed us to not have to worry about our basic needs being met so that we can use our minds to create and evolve within our civilization. However, in doing so, we must not ignore our basic needs and instinct as the Fool is doing in the image by not even noticing that the dog has ripped his pants in trying to get his attention. This card also speaks of a passivity in life, as in letting life happen to him by not knowing where he is going. Thus he cannot plan so much as having to adapt to the situations as they come. This again speaks to me about the need for me to go with the flow of where this business is heading, and enjoy the journey more than worrying about the destination.

 

Subcategory: How do I get there?
Subcategory: How do I get there?

Not sure how to react to the Judgment card from the Marseille deck for the sub-category of how do I get there. But what did come to me was that I have gone through this period of years where I was always drawing the Star card in readings, then the Moon card, then the Sun card. The next in line is the Judgment card. I have traveled well through the three cards before this one, and now it is time to rise back from the depths of myself and onto the earthly plane. I am being called by the dream, by my life’s work, to rise up and share it with the world. This requires communicating with people, even if I only have two to start with now. It is time to speak my truth, so that others can find theirs. In one of the courses that I was preparing a quiz for recently, Dr. Obadiah Harris speaks of the cross as a meeting of the transcendental and eminent (depicted in the flag that the angel is holding). At the crossroad one must surrender themselves to its will, which is the divine will of fulfilling one’s true purpose for which they were placed on earth. So I would say that not only do I need to continue communication flowing, I also need to surrender myself to the will of my higher calling.

 

Subcategory: What is my destiny with this business?
Subcategory: What is my destiny with this business?

 For the sub-category, what is my destiny with this business, the Empress card was selected from the Moore deck. I am drawn to the sceptre that she holds in her left hand that is lit up by its own intrinsic light. She wields its power and holds it firmly in her grip. Her dress seems to bleed into the ground as if she fertilizes the ground beneath her feet aiding in the growth of the greenery and flowers below. She seems to be connected to all aspects of life and seasons from the dry desert, to the spring time, to the time of harvest. She is the feminine spiritual energy transformed into the material world. Behind her flows great waterfalls signifying the abundance of the life giving force (symbolized by the water) that she has within. In the card, the Empress is pregnant. I now remember that I dreamt of being about 6 – 7 months pregnant last night, with a baby girl – enough to show but not at full term. That baby symbolizes my creative undertaking of this business. It is not yet ready to come out full fledged as it is still developing within me. I feel like this card is telling me to have some patience and let this beautiful gift come out when it is ready. That does not mean that I should not continue to blog and do the social media, it just means I need to let it become what it is meant to be, organically. The Moore guidebook on this card states “This card shows a time of natural growth. Your role is to nurture without forcing or neglecting your project. Pay attention to where you are in the cycle of your project or situation and take the proper steps. There is great potential for abundance if good care is given (p51).” Well that is a pretty direct explanation of what I need to do at this time, but does it answer what is my destiny with this business? Not so much in a direct way, rather it is part of the mystery that I must wait for during this organic growth. Answers will reveal themselves when the project comes to full fruition.

 

Synchronistic Event:

I am staying in a resort were it has been difficult for us to access WiFi from our rooms, so I came down to the registration area where they have computers available for use. The first computer that I chose kicked me off after an allotted amount of time. Since it is was pretty late – I almost decided to leave and work on it at another time. Then I moved over to the next computer contemplating returning to my work when I noticed a picture of a butterfly that someone had left on the side of the computer. I can tell that it is a child’s project and that they used some sort of sponge or butterfly pattern to create the image. So that was my que to stay and finish the dream analysis.

Synchronistic Event: Found next to the computer.
Synchronistic Event: Found next to the computer.

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